young, dumb and restrained

[paul k.]

like an eel, i sat inside my pen.
i felt no sense in sittin' here.
as i ain't got no point in nothing,
should i have bothered you again?

my wish, my wish is turnin' grey,
as dumb and relentless as you.
for what then should i crave, i thought,
but didn't know there's no such thing.

it hurts a bit when it is cold,
palms may consider this' an arthritis.
i always had a better imagination
than corny common sense. period.

[addy]

Great narrative voice . That first and third stanza was intriguing as all heck (and what a great opening line). Thanks for the lovely read.

[billy]

wowzer of an opening line.
i got a feel of writers block but i can be thick at the best of times.
i can't see anything wrong in it apart from the fact i can't decipher it

thanks for the read.

i will read it some more.

[paul k.]

well, thanks a lot!
frankly, this is first attempt to write a sort of a poem in English. my native lang is Russian, that is

your replies inspired me to continue writing, i hope i'll post some other writings shortly.

[billy]

it's better than a lot of english language poets could do.
try and post in the novice or mild forums for a while and see if it's what you want. the feedback is a little less daunting in those two forums.

i hope you'll post some more as well

[rowens]

You written many poems in Russian?

[paul k.]

You written many poems in Russian?

not really. i tried for a while, maybe couple of short poems, though i never find the words in Russian appealing enough for me.

i translated several english poems (mostly song lyrics, from ELP and Tallest Man on Earth) into Russian. don't know if they were good enough, but it was pretty interesting for me.

[rowens]

Why don't you translate some Russian poetry? Do you like Esenin? I'd like to read more of his stuff in English.---For some reason, I wondered if you like any Langston Hughes. And is this the only poem you've posted on here? It seems like you're trying to say something, and it's the trying that is the point of this one. "The trying", T.S. Eliot said something in a poem I liked about that, but I forgot most of it.

[Philatone]

hello paul

i like the voice and the character of the speaker, but the meaning escapes me.
it strikes me as a little flighty; no one topic receives enough focus to really get an idea of what the speaker is conveying. if that's not a problem, then I enjoyed