hell inside

[mongodeath]

I dance on the grave of my lost life
the undead me unsettled unleashed on this world
full of pain torment and strife
fulfilling a long lost deed
a gift of death that will forever unfold
pages turning planting of one sick demented seed

I push on trying to rebury a past that never should have been exposed
sicked with all that reminds me of that life
burning the list of the madness purposed
if only this demon could ever be easily stiffed
pushing its evil head back into my thoughts I fixate
on to much shit filled stain of a past
on which words written could never truly translate
hes coming to take over way to fast

can anyone truly understand the darkness within
a sick imaginary world that will never leave
a world that once was real once was everyday sin
into life’s hidden coffen I do heave
this hellation of reality’s strange kiss
hopefully never to dig it up again
but knowing every day that one day
I will be helpless to hold it in its rusty locked cage

---

this is my first post on this forum and i am new to posting my works i would love any and all feed back .
thank you

[billy]

did you mean purposed on L3 of the 2nd stanza?
check the spelling of coffin.
perhaps use some grammar or split the line where a comma should be. L1 and 3 are just 2 of the lines where it happens.
you have some great images at play. the opening line is very strong.
it and the rest of the stanza remind of of a metaphorical hanging.

it has a sociopathic feel to it, lot's of intangible words that could be substituted with an image or two.

all in all a good poem that needs a bit of a trim.
great to see you posting your stuff mongo, if you can try and leave a bit of feedback on other peoples stuff
i forgot to say that the feeling of being trapped is palpable and works well with the title.

thanks for the read.

[TwistedAngel]

i agree with bee this would make a totally sick OM sesh
as for a written piece,yeah i get spanked for grammar an so should you lol

the subject isnt new but i like the imagery it gives an it flows well,also like the anger that bubbles away just below the surface

[arbil_poieo]

To me (which I'm probably wrong) it means regret. I get an almost regretful tone, like someone spent most of their lives running and it caught up to them with force.

The last stanza didn't seem as strong to me as the rest, it's almost like you had nowhere else to go with it so you ended it quickly with almost like a summary of the whole poem. Other than that I really enjoyed the poem, you have a lot of dark images that drew me in as a reader.