apathy

[billy]

Polar caps are sweltering
they couldn't give a fuck
the ozone has departed
while the sea is full of muck

my atlas has no spin
both ways, it seldom spins at all
the bastard has no axis
and the tropics have no balls

---

small 1st edit, thanks for the input guys.

original.
Apathy:

my atlas has no spin
both ways, it seldom spins at all
the bastard has no axis
and the tropics have no balls

its polar caps are melting
they couldn't give a fuck
the ozone has departed
while the sea is full of muck

[rowens]

Sounds like an opening to me, of a poem that could be expanded on. Unless it's true to its name. I like how the first and last lines of each stanza correspond with each other, though I might not be popular associating melting and muck.---But there's so many crazy French and Italian sounding poetic forms floating around here, this might be one of those.

[heslopian]

The first verse is better than the second. The atlas image is intriguing and it's capped perfectly by a funny joke. The second verse feels a bit more bland. I'd recommend switching the order or deleting that verse altogether. JMHO of course. Thanks for the read

[billy]

Sounds like an opening to me, of a poem that could be expanded on. Unless it's true to its name. I like how the first and last lines of each stanza correspond with each other, though I might not be popular associating melting and muck.---But there's so many crazy French and Italian sounding poetic forms floating around here, this might be one of those.

it was just a fancy really though i like the idea of expanding it.
as for the melting much, have you ever had the runs
it may be a couple of quatrains almost but the meter isn't up to much per say for that. thanks for the feedback....i do like the idea that the poem stopped because of the title

---

The first verse is better than the second. The atlas image is intriguing and it's capped perfectly by a funny joke. The second verse feels a bit more bland. I'd recommend switching the order or deleting that verse altogether. JMHO of course. Thanks for the read

thanks for the comment jack.

i can't see a prob in reversing the stanza. i'm against deleting the last one if only because it really would look apathetic

[addy]

Gotta go with jack on this one... That first stanza is fantastic, and the second one kind of cruises. It needs a more distinct ending, I think. Just small nits, though

[billy]

thanks for the feedback addy. will do the edit tomorrow

[billy]

Polar caps are sweltering
they couldn't give a fuck
the ozone has departed
while the sea is full of muck

my atlas has no spin
both ways, it seldom spins at all
the bastard has no axis
and the tropics have no balls

---

small 1st edit, thanks for the input guys.

original.
Apathy:

my atlas has no spin
both ways, it seldom spins at all
the bastard has no axis
and the tropics have no balls

its polar caps are melting
they couldn't give a fuck
the ozone has departed
while the sea is full of muck

first edit done, i liked most of the ideas and tried to incorporate them, (i sound like a right prima donna with my 8 line poem don't I? )

[addy]

Spot on edit. i like the result

[billy]

thanks for the comment addy