My first poem since I was a teenager.

[DoReMi]

I'm very embarrassed to post this. It's my first post, and my first poem really, and it's so very depressing that I'm certain it's emotional drivel... But perhaps even critique of drivel can help..?

Anyway:

I have felt despair.
The yawning, aching chasm at three o clock in the morning
And certainty, amid my doubt,
That this cannot be borne.

And then the loss of words,
Communication lost in soundless, shapeless scream.
Horrors emerge in understanding
No one else can know.
And all I can explain is this:
I have felt despair.

The morning comes, the dawn
That brings relief; in every song and script,
Despair gives way to hope, in life
to dread, and horror at the thought:
Night will return.

Reason maintains a feeble grasp in light,
While strong, despair lies dormant, confident, aware.
Waiting for my mind.
Waiting for my life.

[arbil_poieo]

Don't be embarrassed, we all start somewhere.

First thing: you need a title, it's like an introduction and catches a reader's attention.

You have captured the feeling of despair really well in such a short poem.

My suggestion is ending this with "night will return" because the other remaining lines can be assumed throughout the poem it's just adding extra to an already good understanding of the despair.

This was a really good poem, you have great lines and detail I liked how you described communication as a shapeless scream and that it's soundless because it can't be understood by anyone else.

[billy]

i'm with ash on the title. the title like the front door to a poem and sometimes the back door as well.
many of my fist poems and some of the ones i do now. tell a story. what we need to do is embellish the story with pictures/images. wherever possible don't use intangible words like despair, hope, dread, horror and doubt. instead describe the feeling you have when they happen,

And all I can explain is this:
I have felt despair.

the question begged here is; what have you explained

how about (and this is just a suggestion for you to think about)

And all I can explain is this:
The devil's tongue has stripped from my flesh
the skin of expectancy

think of a picture in your mind and say what that picture is.

thanks for the read. and for fighting through the embarrassment, the more we do it, the easier it gets

[benthejack]

Like you I'm new to poetry. My feedback should be taken with a grain of salt.

I do agree with arbil but I really liked the meaning held in the last verse. unlike the third verse (which definitely seems more poetic), it gave a bit more context with the introduction of reason. I would maybe suggest maybe try combine those two. even if small edit like this (then dropping the 4th verse):

When reason wakes, with dawn
That brings relief; in every song and script.....


actually I'm having second thoughts, but I'm a fan of the meaning.

[Philatone]

welcome DoReMi! My thoughts for you

I think you pick up on interesting ideas and turn them into good images. "yawning, aching chasm" is great; it is when you give specific images like this that I really start enjoying pieces. Some areas in the poem where I would encourage you to do something similar are:

stanza 2: the loss of words (can you think of an image to show that to me?)

stanza 3: that brings relief (rather than just saying "relief", can you describe how it feels? what it may look like? how it tastes? smells? etc.).

especially for a first poem, I think you have something good to start with

[TwistedAngel]

hi DoReMi i think for a first poem is pretty good..kinda fell into all the same traps i do as a beginner but honestly listen to that lot ^^^ up there..they'll drag you kicking an screaming (weather you like it or not) down the path of improvement

they even had to learn me to speak propa
not sure if i'd believe billy an say it gets easier..you just get used to it

3rd stanza stood out for me imo it had the best imagery

[SummerRose]

I'm very embarrassed to post this. It's my first post, and my first poem really, and it's so very depressing that I'm certain it's emotional drivel... But perhaps even critique of drivel can help..?

Anyway:

I have felt despair.
The yawning, aching chasm at three o clock in the morning
And certainty, amid my doubt,
That this cannot be borne.

And then the loss of words,
Communication lost in soundless, shapeless scream.
Horrors emerge in understanding
No one else can know.
And all I can explain is this:
I have felt despair.

The morning comes, the dawn
That brings relief; in every song and script,
Despair gives way to hope, in life
to dread, and horror at the thought:
Night will return.

Reason maintains a feeble grasp in light,
While strong, despair lies dormant, confident, aware.
Waiting for my mind.
Waiting for my life.

Hi there. Here's my novice opinion. I like your first line, "I have felt despair." It draws curiosity.This is personal preference but I hate the use of "and" to start a line so I would say "then comes the loss of words."
I'm not really crazy about the fourth stanza. I sort of like "night will return" as an ending. Maybe the concept in the fourth stanza can be re-worked somewhere else, not sure. Anyway, good work!