Hymn to tolerance

[Noursaid]

Hymn to tolerance
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Peace, love and tolerance
To give our lives a sense
Why wars turbulence?
And hatred in abundance
Brothers we are black or white
There is no difference

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[ellz483]

Short, sweet, and simple! For me, as a punctuation freak, there should be a comma after "brothers," and an apostrophe either before or after the "s" in "wars." It's really good, though. I like the word choice; I think they're really strong, and that everyone counts for something. It reminds me a little of Alan Paton novels!

[Noursaid]

Thank you

[brandontoh]

It's a short poem, and your message got across well. Overall though, I feel that it lacks the impact needed for a message like that. A longer poem with more imageries is what I would do to really get the message across. Like I said, as it stands, it works, but it doesn't leave an impact.

[Noursaid]

I'll try m'ètaler on this subject but I generally I prefer short poems and targeted

Thank you brandontoh

[Arriedo]

i agree with everyone else on the shortness being a good thing but i also feel if you added in a few more lines it could be so much better.