Potted Plants

[Pseudonym]

The flower in my mother’s kitchen was dyed:

Inside and out.

But it drew cleansing water from clean soil,

And slowly turned pure white.


The woman in my mother’s kitchen is dyed:

No longer just the parts of her which were already dead;

Her hair, her nails, and now,

Her heart.


If her soil were clean, if her water were clear,

Maybe, slowly, she’d return.

But now, she sits, in this blasted heath,

Soaking up chemicals and bad dreams.

[billy]

not sure the line spacing helps pseudonym, best if you only use it for
a good reason

i've read this a few times and the more i red it the more i like it. i do admit to not getting the dyed flower being in soil but it doesn't detract from the poem enough to make it not work. the last lines felt strong enough to carry the sadness inside them.
thanks for the read.

The flower in my mother’s kitchen was dyed:

Inside and out.

But it drew cleansing water from clean soil,

And slowly turned pure white.


The woman in my mother’s kitchen is dyed:

No longer just the parts of her which were already dead;

Her hair, her nails, and now,

Her heart.


If her soil were clean, if her water were clear,

Maybe, slowly, she’d return.

But now, she sits, in this blasted heath,

Soaking up chemicals and bad dreams.

[Leanne]

Please consider having this moved to Serious Critique -- aside from the double-spaced format, which of course is very easily fixed, this is an excellent poem that if you're amenable would stand up quite well to more in-depth criticism than we allow in the Novice forum.

[Pseudonym]

Please consider having this moved to Serious Critique -- aside from the double-spaced format, which of course is very easily fixed, this is an excellent poem that if you're amenable would stand up quite well to more in-depth criticism than we allow in the Novice forum.

Thanks, will do.

[serge gurkski]

amenable! Too cute, Leanne. (could not resist, forgive me.) And now to the poem.

Not to angrify our queen bee (;-):
I love this poem.
These two lines e.g.:

"But it drew cleansing water from clean soil,

And slowly turned pure white."

"turned pure white" is great imo..
I am also impressed by the way you open stanza 4: the "If". To me that is unique.

[Jae Mc Donnell]

The flower in my mother’s kitchen was dyed:

Inside and out.

But it drew cleansing water from clean soil,

And slowly turned pure white.


The woman in my mother’s kitchen is dyed:

No longer just the parts of her which were already dead;

Her hair, her nails, and now,

Her heart.


If her soil were clean, if her water were clear,

Maybe, slowly, she’d return.

But now, she sits, in this blasted heath,

Soaking up chemicals and bad dreams.

Yeah this is sad and a good read. Well done.

[neb123]

The flower in my mother’s kitchen was dyed:

Inside and out.

But it drew cleansing water from clean soil,

And slowly turned pure white.


The woman in my mother’s kitchen is dyed:

No longer just the parts of her which were already dead;

Her hair, her nails, and now,

Her heart.


If her soil were clean, if her water were clear,

Maybe, slowly, she’d return.

But now, she sits, in this blasted heath,

Soaking up chemicals and bad dreams.

I enjoyed this poem, Pseudonym. On first read, its sentiments remind me of those in "A Doll's House" or The Awakening. The mother/housewife--the woman in the kitchen-- feels masked by those labels...trapped by them like the potted flower. The potted flower has adapted to its environment; the woman has not.

Then I was drawn to the use of "dyed" instead of dead or died...and I thought of something tainted--tinted with a bad hue.

I think of illness reading this poem...but also of a heart that's broken emotionally as well as physically.

Thanks for sharing!