Wildflower Mantle

[billy]

Wildflower Mantle
by
William Marsland

There’s a meadow
where I live
where wild flowers foxtrot
with a wooing breeze

They found
a small child’s body
there today
pinks and purples
stood and swayed
their perfume dead
murdered by the smell of corpse


I cried and watched
as experts delved
anguish, sorrow
unseen yet felt

they say;
“she was brutalized”

her remains
decomposed
waiting for discovery
the brightness
of a summer serenade
brought to life
her shroud
a wildflower mantle

[addy]

This was beautiful, you have a way with words. And you're much better than me at phrasing so can't really comment on that.

i guess the only thing that stood out to me was the line "unseen yet felt" on the third stanza... what was unseen? Was it sorrow? Though the poem mentions that you cry. But anyway that's very very minor.

[billy]

This was beautiful, you have a way with words. And you're much better than me at phrasing so can't really comment on that.

i guess the only thing that stood out to me was the line "unseen yet felt" on the third stanza... what was unseen? Was it sorrow? Though the poem mentions that you cry. But anyway that's very very minor.

it's like they're used to the horror. but you know it affects them. a bit like soldiers and killing the first ones the hardest but you never get to like it.
any suggestions? i'll have a good think about and see how i can make it less ambiguous. thanks for the comment.

[addy]

Ah I see it now! You mean the anguish and horror of the experts at the scene, not your own. I missed it the first time but you're right, it's not ambiguous at all. Sorry for that.

[billy]

i think you were right. all it needs is a "their" on the line to make it less ambiguous.
which i'll do another time.

[cigarbabe]

I didn't find it ambiguous at all I thought it fit perfectly
for what you wanted to convey.
C.B.

[billy]

thanks for the feedback C.B.

now i face the dilemma
as of yet if it helps some readers to understand
i'm leaning toward inserting it
that said, i'm glad you saw no ambiguity.