Forbidden

[Volaticus]

To the perverted soul, I told:
In the pillory, I must you hold,
Until the hours, the dreams, the nights,
Turns to me with eerie sights,
Of whispers and voices and all the latter,
Tears and twists, until both, we shatter.

EDIT

To the perverted soul, I told:
In the pillory; it's you I must hold,
Until the hours, the dreams, the nights,
Turn to me with eerie sights,
Of whispers and voices and all the latter,
Tears and twists, until both, we shatter.

[saeity]

To the perverted soul, I told:
In the pillory, I must you hold,
Until the hours, the dreams, the nights,
Turns to me with eerie sights,
Of whispers and voices and all the latter,
Tears and twists, until both, we shatter.

Hi Volaticus, In the pillory, I must you hold,- should this read- It's you I must hold,
thanks for the read

saeity.

[neena2504]

To the perverted soul, I told:
In the pillory, I must you hold, - is something missing here?
Until the hours, the dreams, the nights,
Turns to me with eerie sights, - it should be 'turn' as it comes for plural words(hours, dreams, nights)
Of whispers and voices and all the latter, - do you mean eerie sights of whispers and voices?
Tears and twists, until both, we shatter. - what does tear and twist here?

Hi volaticus,

Your poem is beautiful, I like the reading it out loud very much.
I have suggested few corrections in L2 and L4.
The rest(L5, L6) are my questions to you, it would be great if you could answer them, I am trying to comprehend your poem completely.

Cheers

[Volaticus]

Hi saeity,
Thanks for your suggestion I know now, that the sentence needs some work.

Hi neena,
Firstly, thank you so much. It makes me really happy to hear that you enjoy my poetry

About L2: I honestly thought, that "In the pillory, I must you hold", was grammatically correct. What I mean to say, with L2, is that I must hold/keep the perverted soul in the pillory. I'm not quite sure how to correct the sentence, at the moment.

L4: I can't believe I missed that. Thanks a lot for pointing it out to me

L5: Yes, I do mean eerie sights of whispers and voices. It's kind of hard to explain, because I know that you cannot actually see whispers and voices. It is meant to underline the chaotic/sinking/uncontrollable feeling I was trying to paint a picture of in the poem. Hope it makes any sense to you, as I am not yet very good at explaining my poems.

L6: What does tear and twist, are the whispers and voices.

You are of course welcome to ask any more questions, if needed

Cheers,
- Volaticus