21st Century

[Anonymous]

I Hate this world we live in
Ignorance surrounds me
But there is so much, it is becoming bound to me
And it is astounding,
That we solve every problem with violence
Are we really that mindless?
Of course not, it is a shame
We know the media is to blame
For once I would like to hear a story
That doesn't involve the innocent slain
We do not condone it, yet we watch it
So used to seeing a corpse
Like the ancient Romans, watching killing for sport
Do we think it makes us better
Because it is on a screen?
Or is the reality we live in make believe...

[Crepuscule]

It's a start.

It's a big, difficult and overdone subject (google "I hate the world poem"): one that I don't think it's possible to do well.

I would go for a more limited topic. One that you have something interesting to talk about... try to find interesting ways in which to talk about it.

Do you have a favourite poet?

I Hate this world we live in
Ignorance surrounds me
But there is so much, it is becoming bound to me
And it is astounding,
That we solve every problem with violence
Are we really that mindless?
Of course not, it is a shame
We know the media is to blame
For once I would like to hear a story
That doesn't involve the innocent slain
We do not condone it, yet we watch it
So used to seeing a corpse
Like the ancient Romans, watching killing for sport
Do we think it makes us better
Because it is on a screen?
Or is the reality we live in make believe...

[Anonymous]

It's a start.

It's a big, difficult and overdone subject (google "I hate the world poem"): one that I don't think it's possible to do well.

I would go for a more limited topic. One that you have something interesting to talk about... try to find interesting ways in which to talk about it.

Do you have a favourite poet?

I Hate this world we live in
Ignorance surrounds me
But there is so much, it is becoming bound to me
And it is astounding,
That we solve every problem with violence
Are we really that mindless?
Of course not, it is a shame
We know the media is to blame
For once I would like to hear a story
That doesn't involve the innocent slain
We do not condone it, yet we watch it
So used to seeing a corpse
Like the ancient Romans, watching killing for sport
Do we think it makes us better
Because it is on a screen?
Or is the reality we live in make believe...

Umm I just got into it because we studied it in class so we covered all the basics of famous poets. I'd probably say Edgar Allen Poe but I'll probably find poets i like more than the ones we studied in high school English. And i can understand how this topic is overdone but i just was angry and wrote this, wasn't trying to do a overdone topic

[ESmith]

I'm guessing that you're quite young, and from the sounds of things just getting into poetry. This is just the sort of stuff I wrote in high school The poem itself, I actually quite like. Yes, the topic is overdone but if there is something you really want to write about, write about it! The kind of rhythm your poem has is a lot like rap, and I wonder if you could see ways to improve it simply by reading it in your head more like an Eminem song than a traditional poem.

Where you say:
"Of course not, it is a shame
We know the media is to blame"

I feel like shame isn't really grand enough for what you're describing - it's more than a shame, surely?

The line, "Like the ancient Romans, watching killing for sport" doesn't really work for me in this poem, since it makes it seem a bit young. You could probably word it a little differently to show some background or depth to your understanding of why ancient Romans liked to watch this kind of thing, or simply by phrasing it differently, e.g.
'Like a Roman at the Colosseum,
We watch killing like it's sport'. Playing with the idea of viewing the news as sport could also be interesting.

Now, as for the topic... you actually do have a slightly more interesting, clever and less-used thread running beneath the surface of your poem, as seen in the line "We do not condone it, yet we watch it". A lot of people are thinking about the way that people these days at least seem to be getting more and more willing to watch (and enjoying watching) really disturbing things, e.g. the movies SAW and Human Centipede, more violence just generally being shown to all ages, more graphic footage on the news. This could be an interesting way to take a couple lines.

The other idea you could think more about is the one you expressed when you said ""Of course not, it is a shame, We know the media is to blame". You could extend this a bit and talk about the amount we are all exposed to and influenced by media, and the way media misrepresents the world.

Overall, a very good start! Keep writing

[Crepuscule]

I didn't write poetry when I was at school, but I certainly recognise the sentiment from when I was that age!

Something I'm trying to do to improve my "poetry" is to really study poems I like and figure out why I like them... what it is about the structure and rhythm of the poems that I find appealing and try to apply the same tricks to my own poems. It's quite difficult.

[Theshindigs]

I'm fairly new to poetry, so take my viewpoint with a grain of salt.

I enjoyed the poem, but I'm a bit tired of this broad and overused topic. I didn't quite get the feeling that you were totally invested in your topic either, but that might just be the vibe I got. It's a good poem, at least from my perspective. Just seems like a bit more depth would add.

[lewis taylor]

If you're still in secondary school, the very fact that you're writing poetry is great, I implore you to persevere through self doubt and criticism as you already have a head start in this little game.

Excluding the generalizations and cliches, the poem itself is agreeable enough; we all know what you're talking about and have felt it before. What you need to ask yourself is, why would anyone want to read something that simply replicates common angsty sentiments? A solid poem generally challenges its reader's perspectives, or helps them see something in a new light even if they've seen it a hundred times before. From my own experience, two poems that achieve this are Frank O'Hara's illustration of love in his poem 'Animals' and Anne Sexton's of childhood in 'Young' (check em out for sure).

The best advice I can give you is to keep reading and writing poetry. It is the ONLY way you will improve. In time, your grasp on language will increase and your work will develop a more consistent rhythm and unique language. Your poem has bones but they are frail at best, to open with 'I hate this world we live in' does not leave a lot of room for ambiguity or excitement for the remainder of the text. Think as to whether you really do hate this world, or if you only hate certain aspects of it? Perhaps there are some aspects of this world you love? Perhaps include them as well and spin us around a bit...these are not objective truths, I'm only trying to get you thinking and help you asses all options. Sorry if I've gone overboard, thanks for sharing.