Seagulls....(edited)

[Magpie]

Seagulls? (edited)

Why are Seagulls still called Seagulls?

Granted,

I'm sure there are still a few
Hardcore originals out there.
Balancing precariously on some
Small cliff face with a sea view to live for.

They are not the seagulls I speak of.
The city dwellers, the rooftop occupiers,
The "Your food is my food" seagulls.
These are the beasts I speak of.

Arrogantly strutting their stuff down the high street,
Scattering happy go lucky window shoppers.
Surveying the potential for wayward scraps,
With a determined imperious swagger.

They've got evil eyes.
They unnerve me.
That sideways stare, that they obviously learnt from studying Picasso.
They know more than what they are letting on.

Ask Crow. Crow knows reality.
Ferocious enemies, Crow and seagull.
Seen them fighting on many occasions.
Or rather,
Crow antagonises.
Seagull gives chase.
Crow improvises.
Flies to nearest tree.
Seagull perplexed.
Crow gloats.
Seagull cataleptic.

"It's in the name mate,
And I don't mean the 'eagull' bit,
that's right 'sea', big blue watery
thing that's about 8 miles away,
you should give it a try."

But what can you do eh?
Not a lot really.
Grin and bear it.
I suppose.

Actually there was this one time when I
found an amusing use for seagulls and
there uncanny ability to pinpoint the exact
location of unclaimed food within seconds.

At the time I lived in the town centre in
the busiest area. It was the busiest day,
busiest time. I lived two floors up
and from my window I could see
the whole length of the bustling street.

Overflowing with weekended pedestrians that slowly
meandered nowhere or waited at bus stops with
that vacant, "I'm waiting for the bus gaze."

Not for long though eh?

In my wisdom I decided it would be a good idea to use the
three loaves of bread that I had bought earlier,(not that
I had planned this) to feed the seagulls, call it a good
deed if you will.

I mean how was I to know.

Window... wide open... three loaves...
simultaneous... launched...
street bound... bus queue bound...
....bound to be some fun and games.

As soon my generous food parcel hit the ground
there was movement skywards.
Radars locked on... Rapid descent commenced...
Commotion imminent.

The first wave of attack, took the
lethargic bus queue by surprise.
Changing that vacant gaze into wide eyed panic.
Scattering in all directions, colliding in confusion.
Stumbling, staggering. Shopping bags stranded.
Hysteria.... Yes it was hysterical.

The second wave of attack was moments later,
and still people were fleeing trying to avoid the
furious feathered frenzy.

Screaming... Shrieking... I just couldn't help myself...

By now the rest of the street was watching, some in
horror, some in ecstatic fascination, all transfixed.
Everybody loves a good car crash it seems.

Seconds later it was over, the brief encounter finished,
and apart from the odd stray feather floating delicately
down you would never of suspected the mayhem that
had just occurred.
The normal humdrum returned as people dusted
themselves down and the show was over.
Well worth the price of three loaves.

Seagulls....

...I won't hear a bad word said against them.







(original)

Why are seagulls still called seagulls?

Granted,

I'm sure there are still a few
Hardcore originals out there.
Balancing precariously on some
Small cliff face ledge with a sea view to live for.

But they are not the same seagulls that I speak of.
The city dwellers, the rooftop occupiers,
The "Your food is my food" seagulls.
These are the beasts that I speak of.

Arrogantly strutting their stuff down the high street,
Scattering happy go lucky window shoppers.
Surveying the potential for wayward scraps.
With a determined imperious swagger.

They've got evil eyes.
They unnerve me.
That sideways stare,
Obviously learnt from studying Picasso.
They know more than what they are letting on.

Ask the Crows. They know the reality.
Ferocious enemies, Crow and seagull.
Seen them fighting on many occasions.
Or rather,
Crow antagonises.
Seagull gives chase.
Crow flies into nearest tree.
Crow gloats.
Don't mess with the shape shifters,
It is a different level of comprehension.

The other day whilst meandering towards the forest,
I saw in the clear blue sky; aerial acrobatics.
Seagulls, four of them, swooping, rushing a Bird of Prey.
A Hawk, solitary, hunting in the same place as it always has.

It's all turvy topsy I tell you.
Forest... Eight miles from the sea.
Gulls harassing a Hawk.

The Hawk didn't flinch in the slightest.
Composed, a beautiful sight to.....
But back, back, back to point in question.

Gulls of the sea they are no longer!
I'm not asking for a cull.
Just a reclassification.
A subspecies.

And you never know.
With an authentic identity,
A separate heritage.
They might just become more....

Peaceful.

[heslopian]

Why are seagulls still called seagulls?

Granted,

I'm sure there are still a few
Hardcore originals out there. Witty line.
Balancing precariously on some
Small cliff face ledge with a sea view to live for. Is "ledge" needed?

But they are not the same seagulls that I speak of.
The city dwellers, the rooftop occupiers,
The "Your food is my food" seagulls.
These are the beasts that I speak of. Great verse, especially L2 and 3, which humanise seagulls in a quietly powerful way.

Arrogantly strutting their stuff down the high street,
Scattering happy go lucky window shoppers. Another witty line, which made me smile.
Surveying the potential for wayward scraps. As the following line feels like the second clause of a sentence begun here, do you need the full stop, or any punctuation at all?
With a determined imperious swagger.

They've got evil eyes.
They unnerve me.
That sideways stare,
Obviously learnt from studying Picasso. This poem is full of witty smile-inducing lines
They know more than what they are letting on. Another smasher!

Ask the Crows. They know the reality. Why is "Crows" capitalised midway through a sentence?
Ferocious enemies, Crow and seagull. Ditto.
Seen them fighting on many occasions.
Or rather,
Crow antagonises.
Seagull gives chase.
Crow flies into nearest tree.
Crow gloats.
Don't mess with the shape shifters,
It is a different level of comprehension. This verse reminds me of Ted Hughes' "Crow" poems.

The other day whilst meandering towards the forest,
I saw in the clear blue sky; aerial acrobatics.
Seagulls, four of them, swooping, rushing a Bird of Prey. Again with the capitals, and in the following line. Is this part of an effect you're going for?
A Hawk, solitary, hunting in the same place as it always has.

It's all turvy topsy I tell you.
Forest... Eight miles from the sea.
Gulls harassing a Hawk.

The Hawk didn't flinch in the slightest.
Composed, a beautiful sight to.....
But back, back, back to point in question.

Gulls of the sea they are no longer!
I'm not asking for a cull.
Just a reclassification.
A subspecies.

And you never know.
With an authentic identity,
A separate heritage. Should this be a comma?
They might just become more....

Peaceful.

I hope my critique wasn't too serious. Most of what I've said above is just compliments, observations and minor grammatical tweaks. The poem was warm and sweet; I enjoyed it a good deal. My critique is, of course, JMHO. Thank you for the read

[Magpie]

Thanks Heslopian for your kind words and observations. I was quite surprised to see this post on the board when I logged in. I had consigned it to the scrap heap because it seemed to be one of those poems that was going to sink without a trace or a single comment, so your gift of resurrection is a bonus indeed.
I sort of rushed this poem just so that I had new material to be able to post and I still have no idea what I was thinking of, It's a bit "proper mental" as they say in my neck of the woods. It ends a bit weakly, I wish now that I had kept it as a comedy poem.
I didn't intend the "crow" verse to sound like Ted Hughes "Crow" and until you pointed it out I never realised, but your right it does have that feel about it with lines like "Crow antagonises" and "Crow gloats", I'd love to say that I did that on purpose as a reference, but I'd be lying, just pure fluke.
The reason for the capitals on Crow, Hawk and Bird of Prey was to make seagulls inferior in the context of the poem, but perhaps it was a bit confusing.
I'll never write anything like this again I don't think, but now looking at it, it seems fun.
I'm glad it made you smile.
Thanks once again.
AR

[billy]

try and cut some of the baggage (excess) i suggested some i think there are others. i quite enjoyed the read and found it humorous. if fact too many good lines to point out 1 or 2. it skates round prose and makes it as a good poem some of the punctuation and needs a bit of work and i'm not sure the mid-sentence caps work

Why are seagulls still called seagulls?

Granted,

I'm sure there are still a few
Hardcore originals out there.
Balancing precariously on some
Small cliff face ledge with a sea view to live for.

But they are not the same seagulls that I speak of.
The city dwellers, the rooftop occupiers,
The "Your food is my food" seagulls.
These are the beasts that I speak of.

Arrogantly strutting their stuff down the high street,
Scattering happy go lucky window shoppers.
Surveying the potential for wayward scraps.
With a determined imperious swagger.

They've got evil eyes.
They unnerve me.
That sideways stare,
Obviously learnt from studying Picasso.
They know more than what they are letting on.

Ask the Crows. They know the reality.
Ferocious enemies, Crow and seagull.
Seen them fighting on many occasions.
Or rather,
Crow antagonises.
Seagull gives chase.
Crow flies into nearest tree.
Crow gloats.
Don't mess with the shape shifters,
It is a different level of comprehension.

The other day whilst meandering towards the forest,
I saw in the clear blue sky; aerial acrobatics.
Seagulls, four of them, swooping, rushing a Bird of Prey.
A Hawk, solitary, hunting in the same place as it always has.

It's all turvy topsy I tell you.
Forest... Eight miles from the sea.
Gulls harassing a Hawk.

The Hawk didn't flinch in the slightest.
Composed, a beautiful sight to.....
But back, back, back to point in question.

Gulls of the sea they are no longer! sea,
I'm not asking for a cull.
Just a reclassification.
A subspecies.

And you never know.
With an authentic identity,
A separate heritage.
They might just become more....

Peaceful.

[heslopian]

The reason for the capitals on Crow, Hawk and Bird of Prey was to make seagulls inferior in the context of the poem, but perhaps it was a bit confusing.

That's a smart stylistic choice. If you plan to re-work this poem, don't ditch that just because I was too ignorant to get it

[Magpie]

try and cut some of the baggage (excess) i suggested some i think there are others. i quite enjoyed the read and found it humorous. if fact too many good lines to point out 1 or 2. it skates round prose and makes it as a good poem some of the punctuation and needs a bit of work and i'm not sure the mid-sentence caps work

Why are seagulls still called seagulls?

Granted,

I'm sure there are still a few
Hardcore originals out there.
Balancing precariously on some
Small cliff face ledge with a sea view to live for.

But they are not the same seagulls that I speak of.
The city dwellers, the rooftop occupiers,
The "Your food is my food" seagulls.
These are the beasts that I speak of.

Arrogantly strutting their stuff down the high street,
Scattering happy go lucky window shoppers.
Surveying the potential for wayward scraps.
With a determined imperious swagger.

They've got evil eyes.
They unnerve me.
That sideways stare,
Obviously learnt from studying Picasso.
They know more than what they are letting on.

Ask the Crows. They know the reality.
Ferocious enemies, Crow and seagull.
Seen them fighting on many occasions.
Or rather,
Crow antagonises.
Seagull gives chase.
Crow flies into nearest tree.
Crow gloats.
Don't mess with the shape shifters,
It is a different level of comprehension.

The other day whilst meandering towards the forest,
I saw in the clear blue sky; aerial acrobatics.
Seagulls, four of them, swooping, rushing a Bird of Prey.
A Hawk, solitary, hunting in the same place as it always has.

It's all turvy topsy I tell you.
Forest... Eight miles from the sea.
Gulls harassing a Hawk.

The Hawk didn't flinch in the slightest.
Composed, a beautiful sight to.....
But back, back, back to point in question.

Gulls of the sea they are no longer! sea,
I'm not asking for a cull.
Just a reclassification.
A subspecies.

And you never know.
With an authentic identity,
A separate heritage.
They might just become more....

Peaceful.

Thanks Billy for the comments,
I am actually going to write this again, more so the ending, because realised yesterday more of the comedy aspect. But the end of this is not comedy at all, it kind of just fades but I did have a funny ending originally, and I must of thought it wasn't serious enough so I changed it. But this will get reposted with edit. And your suggestions make sense as regards the flow (excess baggage).
Many thanks.
AR

---

The reason for the capitals on Crow, Hawk and Bird of Prey was to make seagulls inferior in the context of the poem, but perhaps it was a bit confusing.

That's a smart stylistic choice. If you plan to re-work this poem, don't ditch that just because I was too ignorant to get it

Hi Heslopian,
After thinking about it, I do intend to re work this, with a different more comedic ending. So thanks for all the pointers, I will bear these in mind when I edit. I never realised how funny the beginning was until you commented yesterday. Like the Picasso line, I was somewhat embarrassed by, but it does work.
Thanks once again.
And edit should be up soon, possibly today.
AR

[KICKBACK]

Hey. I just want to say that I liked this poem. Seagulls is what intrigued me. I wanted to see what you had to say about them lol. Pretty much what you said, is spot on. I call them sea rats or sky rats. I always see them digging out food from dumpsters. I saw one pushing a plastic container with it's beak because it was trying to poke a hole to get at the food. Oh lord, not to mention how they purposely take aim at your car or head and poop right on you. They do not care about us I think.

I did like the ending. How if maybe we stopped calling them sea rats as a slur, and instead recognized them as a Sea Gull, they might stop trying to poop on everyone's head lol ... i related it to us humans in a way

[Magpie]

I definitely got a kick out of this. Problems of us fortunate people that get to live near the ocean.

They've got evil eyes- That is perfect, I think that all the time.

The capitol Crow and Hawk thing went right over my head reading it but that is very clever.

Good stuff.
My dog feels the same way we do and still is pretty sure she'll catch one of them damn seagulls some day.

Thanks for the comments skysk8er21, much appreciated.
I am in the process of editing this, especially the end, to turn it into more of a comedy poem all the way through, Because this version I feel ended weakly and without much purpose, so hopefully the next version will improve it. Just read your poem about cliche and I like your sense of humour.
Thanks AR

[Magpie]

New version with hopefully a better ending