Jukai (樹海) Sea of Trees

[cidermaid]

Hi,
I found your poem both hauntingly beautiful and slightly disturbing and not knowing anything about your subject, I looked up a referance for the sea of trees, and now I understand more of the images and emotion of this piece. My ignorance did not however effect the read and I think that the images and overall text works well without any prior knowledge of the subject.

Crit wise I would like to see some punctuation. A frequently repeated comment on the site from many (including myself) is that it is considered dated to start each line with a capitol letter and is disruptive to the flow of the read.

You have a nice style of writing and make good use of interesting images.
All the best AJ.

[billy]

hi ade. some good things going on but i think at present it's a little too zen/ambiguous. but good effort. i really enjoyed the opening couplet, those two lines have so much potential.

Jukai (樹海)
Sea of Trees


The sea of trees, the land of death
Here is the place where a painful massacre is set

Take a look at the bones of empty flesh not sure what empty flesh is. no need for 'take a'
Fading insanity, burning into ashes

Many people come to erase the memories greedily
But many souls have been taken for the sake of their purity is 'but many' needed?

If you once walk the path of Jukai is once needed?
Remember to see the truth, and don’t you dare to hide

at first i thought the poem was about man's deforestation of the planet. then i saw the Buddhist reference.