04-10-2013, 07:17 AM
Hi,
Thanks for the read, I liked it :-)
But I was confused about the 'white purple flower' in the first stanza. To me it seemed abstract and I didn't know where it fit in.
"Cubicles
of wasted years
await me.
Lunchtime,
ham and cheese.
Sunshine,
smiles are free."
I really liked those stanzas. To me that was the essence of the poem.
I don't think the last two stanzas were bad at all, they just didn't seem to fit in all well with the rest.
- Volaticus
Thanks for the read, I liked it :-)
But I was confused about the 'white purple flower' in the first stanza. To me it seemed abstract and I didn't know where it fit in.
"Cubicles
of wasted years
await me.
Lunchtime,
ham and cheese.
Sunshine,
smiles are free."
I really liked those stanzas. To me that was the essence of the poem.
I don't think the last two stanzas were bad at all, they just didn't seem to fit in all well with the rest.
- Volaticus