05-19-2013, 01:42 AM
Zerrick,
Gosh, I am thankful and humbled by your response. The best I can explain is hat I'm a novice, just a bud of a poet. I came here to learn so I took the critiques, pondered them and tried to make my lines more like art. I've taken out the vague and trite (because those crits resonated with me). I agree that there's an element of freshness in the first one that is lost in this rewrite.
Maybe I should have left he other alone and just made this a new poem. One thing about going back is the changes you undergo in between. Days later I'm no longer in the same state of being that I was in writing the first poem.
Lessons learned, thank you.
Gosh, I am thankful and humbled by your response. The best I can explain is hat I'm a novice, just a bud of a poet. I came here to learn so I took the critiques, pondered them and tried to make my lines more like art. I've taken out the vague and trite (because those crits resonated with me). I agree that there's an element of freshness in the first one that is lost in this rewrite.
Maybe I should have left he other alone and just made this a new poem. One thing about going back is the changes you undergo in between. Days later I'm no longer in the same state of being that I was in writing the first poem.
Lessons learned, thank you.