A Lifted Life of Leisure

[YaMarVa]

Your poem uses language that is too abstract at times. Try swopping some of the archaic words for more common ones - is 'happenstance' really needed? Coincidence has the same meaning.

I like your extended metaphor regarding religion - I think it works very well to uphold a traditional feel to your poem.

Thanks for reading my poem and giving feedback, I take it in stride...

I believe happenstance is neither archaic nor abstract. I am also not sure what other words used in my poem are, as the above words generally exist in our generation’s literature and lexicon. Will you please point them out for me as I seek honest review? Thanks.

Also, this poem is about the 1920s and my word choice subtly might have attempted to reflect those days.