06-05-2013, 02:34 AM
My analogy is attempting to explain that you need a good mix of everything to make a good cake - a mix of simple sentences and more longer, complex clauses to add variety.
I understand the meaning of those words, that isn't the problem. It is that it is a drudge to get through your poem while you have to think about it. I'm not of the background where toiling and stoic is a common everyday word, and so I had to pause and think about the context of what is going on. Any flow you have built up then stops.
I should build up these meanings by describing the hard work and pain of this low-class laborer with more plain language?
Exactly - not necessarily plain, but descriptive. So your stoic workers are there stoically working, but you could describe their faces as being 'unmoved by joy or grief'. You can say so much more when you don't say it.
I understand the meaning of those words, that isn't the problem. It is that it is a drudge to get through your poem while you have to think about it. I'm not of the background where toiling and stoic is a common everyday word, and so I had to pause and think about the context of what is going on. Any flow you have built up then stops.
I should build up these meanings by describing the hard work and pain of this low-class laborer with more plain language?
Exactly - not necessarily plain, but descriptive. So your stoic workers are there stoically working, but you could describe their faces as being 'unmoved by joy or grief'. You can say so much more when you don't say it.
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)