06-05-2013, 03:49 AM
I'll reiterate - it is not two words that make your poem instantly worse. I didn't give you an exhaustive list of these words - because then I'd effectively be re-writing your poem for you. It is the altogether over-description (without example actions to explain) that I find could be altered to better effect. I only say this as I believe it could enhance your poem - the whole idea of critique. If you believe any native English speaker should be able to comprehend this poem, then you haven't achieved your purpose, at least for me. As always, this is my view on it, I'm sure people will disagree or agree as they wish.
T. S. Eliot I very much enjoy, ironically because he conveys ideas through actions rather than descriptions.
T. S. Eliot I very much enjoy, ironically because he conveys ideas through actions rather than descriptions.
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)