Good Morning, Housemate

[Jim Steele]

Miserable sod

Can't say I dislike or disagree with the sentiments in the slightest. I quite like the rhymes you've set up and the change in scheme in the middle, although S5 doesn't seem to fit at all, in either rhyme or rhythm. It's a stopping point for me.

Also, "around the time I awake" is quite awkward phrasing. You could have "about what time I wake" and not lose any rhythm.

Great to read a poem from you after all your excellent feedback!

Thanks for the kind words! Yes, I'm unapologetically miserable for the first few minutes of every morning. xD But after that I'm only moderately miserable. :p

S5 gave me some trouble when I was writing it. I went back and played with it a few times, but didn't really get anywhere with it. :/ I didn't want to lose any of the information within it, but if it breaks up the flow, I'll figure something out. Thanks for the honesty!

As for that line about waking, I'll probably change that to make it fit a bit better when I edit the poem (which I fully intend to do at some point).

Thanks for the tips. I'm a rookie - I need tips.

Nice poem, rather comical while serious, I like the way it flows. And no job is lousy if you love what you do then its not even work! Best of luck with that! And thanks for the good read

Thanks a lot for the comments! When I sat down to write my first draft of this (bleary-eyed over a plate of eggs), it was intended to be strictly humourous, but it got quite venomous. I didn't want to lie by censoring the venom, but this draft was an effort to emphasize the humour a little bit more, so it didn't come off as a rhythmic rant.