12-06-2013, 01:05 PM
Perhaps a stanza break would be welcome? It all seems to run together to me and I definitely hear a change in tone between lines 3 and 4, so maybe a break there would illustrate that better.
It also looses clarity towards the end, I'm sure that is intentional though, it's an interesting effect if it is.
I like it quite a lot, particularly the first half. It reads like the first time a puppy barks and is a bit a surprised and frightened by it. I feel like the narrator makes a fervent demand for help and then backs away due to being unsure of his/herself.
Hank.
It also looses clarity towards the end, I'm sure that is intentional though, it's an interesting effect if it is.
I like it quite a lot, particularly the first half. It reads like the first time a puppy barks and is a bit a surprised and frightened by it. I feel like the narrator makes a fervent demand for help and then backs away due to being unsure of his/herself.
Hank.