08-12-2014, 10:31 PM
I think it's quite good. I think it would be better with a less strict or different syllable count
The sun that set, and plunged into
the vast and resolutely blue,
lit up the miles to my west,
as dusk in one last show of light
fractured into coming night,
and left a sinking in my chest.
Something like that, it feels smoother, more natural, I think.
The sun that set, and plunged into
the vast and resolutely blue,
lit up the miles to my west,
as dusk in one last show of light
fractured into coming night,
and left a sinking in my chest.
Something like that, it feels smoother, more natural, I think.
Before criticising a person try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise that person, you are a mile away.... and you have their shoes.