08-16-2014, 08:50 PM
I assume you were posting two variations of the same poem. I prefer the restless clouds as I feel it adds more visuals. Most clouds are shady, at least a little and I'm not quite sure what you're trying to imply. I can much more easily visualize the restless clouds and I think readers would have less tendency to get stuck there.
I enjoyed reading it. It required my attention, but wasn't enigmatic. I do feel the first sentence is too long. Maybe break it up so the reader can stop and reflect. I didn't like the abrubtness of the last line of the first stanza, but that was because I thought the poem was going to continue. As an actual ending it is great IMO.
I enjoyed reading it. It required my attention, but wasn't enigmatic. I do feel the first sentence is too long. Maybe break it up so the reader can stop and reflect. I didn't like the abrubtness of the last line of the first stanza, but that was because I thought the poem was going to continue. As an actual ending it is great IMO.