Why I Couldn't Love You

[gingerquiet]

I loved you,
    but not really.

I loved you
    Like a blind man loves light,
                   attached to the misunderstood idea.

Because he does not know that light can be horrible-
flashing, red
blue
white
red
as you wait up for a child or a lover,
light can be under a bathroom door after a meal, the color of worry,
or light can be flashing off a blade in your hand, the sharp white of desperation.

I loved you
     as you deserved,
wary of the hurt you would cause.

I feel there is a disconnect between the last stanza and the first...the first, suggesting that the narrator loves someone in an almost idealistic way, and the last speaking of being wary of that love. However, at the same time, I like get it, that sometimes loves is idealized because we are wary of it...like, a blind man may think of light as being one of the most pure, amazing things they haven't had a chance to experience, but also be terrified at the idea of seeing it. This is weakened by the middle section, where the narrator talks about the blind not knowing that light can be horrible...perhaps you could play with the concept of unknown and abstract understanding of horribleness? I think you have an opportunity to incorporate an idea like this into the poem should you choose.

That said, I like the way you ordered the lines in the poem, because they give a sense of direction to the way the words are read.