07-07-2015, 09:53 AM
I think before I could do much critique there would need to be a few periods added. Unless you have a rational that compels you to write outside of the normal rules, it is simple affectation. So here is the first problem, where does this sentence end?
In the wildlife down the footpath, surrounded by green seas, brick free (I assume that the capped "T" is in error as what precedes is a dependent clause and not a sentence) the breeze, bees and trees meet at once, a river and a small castle bathe, in the smooth natural order a home which catered for the soul
So you see, I am having a bit of difficulty making much sense of this word salad, most of which are dependent clauses with no resolution. That is to say, they are senseless. As the rest seems more of the same, I see no reason to continue with a critique.
Sorry, maybe someone will find something of more worth than I do.
Best,
Dale
In the wildlife down the footpath, surrounded by green seas, brick free (I assume that the capped "T" is in error as what precedes is a dependent clause and not a sentence) the breeze, bees and trees meet at once, a river and a small castle bathe, in the smooth natural order a home which catered for the soul
So you see, I am having a bit of difficulty making much sense of this word salad, most of which are dependent clauses with no resolution. That is to say, they are senseless. As the rest seems more of the same, I see no reason to continue with a critique.
Sorry, maybe someone will find something of more worth than I do.
Best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.