Where I Forgot

[spherical]

Generally I liked where you were going with this poem. I think there is a lot of potential for gorgeous imagery here. I would, perhaps, consider finding a better way to tie in the nature imagery to how you feel it is reflected in yourself, as I think you intended to do - to me, it feels a bit disjointed in that sense.

Here are some ideas, but certainly go with what ultimately feels best to you - that's the point of poetry after all, right? :-)

Hi,

This is a first draft of a poem. Looking for criticism. Thanks!

In the wildlife down the footpath,
surrounded by green seas, brick free
The breeze, bees and trees meet at once,
a river and a small castle bathe,
in the smooth natural order
A home which catered for the soul I don't quite understand these last three lines. Can you explain what you meant here?       

I found myself noticing few certain qualities there
which I also observed within myself    
Soft sand, malleable like clay, Here is a place to tie the imagery together. How or why are you also malleable like clay?
the tide helps it change
Morph into something solid, fresh, made anew

I, the rocks which the water lapped,
nature's duster shines the rock face
The birds songs appeared to cure,
calm and restitch my mind's loose seams      
Nature's way of healing it made,
time, space and silence culminate

I sought prolonged quiet so,
I could hurl it between my ears
To extract the stress of old tears,
I bathed in an organic spa,
being washed clean of memory,
and any blemishes fear caused

I left a scratch on a large rock,
as to leave myself a trigger
So if I had to show myself,
to remember, how to forget,
I could return to the water,
back to the same mark on the cliff

I stopped part-way through. I hope you don't mind. I figure it might be best for you to take some tips regarding tone and apply additional edits on your own. (Did not mean to rhyme there. Heh)

Best of luck. I think you have a lot to say. With some improvements to technique, your work will be something marvelous.