i did get you were from your experiences and not a place. for me i want it to be a place though i suppose that's unfair of me.
that aside; the edit is a big improvement. sadly you now start most lines with [the] while it does add a kind of rhythm it also takes away from what makes you you.
as suggestion;
Peru's Cordillera Huayhuash in the Andes
is is possible to just start with the place/thing
Yellowdog River of Big Bay
Greatful dead
just use the [the in the first line of each stanza. The list at the end with the question posed diminishes a lot of the poem; it makes it about me and contradicts the title.
that aside; the edit is a big improvement. sadly you now start most lines with [the] while it does add a kind of rhythm it also takes away from what makes you you.
as suggestion;
Peru's Cordillera Huayhuash in the Andes
is is possible to just start with the place/thing
Yellowdog River of Big Bay
Greatful dead
just use the [the in the first line of each stanza. The list at the end with the question posed diminishes a lot of the poem; it makes it about me and contradicts the title.