01-03-2016, 08:10 PM
Ooh, I really love the imagery you provide, but the form distracts – it starts to feel like a litany. It reminds me of walking down Bourbon Street on a slow night when someone stands at the street entrance of the dance halls swinging the door open so tourists walking by are given a tantalizing glimpse of the exotic dancers on stage – that tactic only works if we can actually come inside to see more…
I feel some of your lines deserve entire poems of their own, like the "sidetrack slums of New Dehli," the name evokes strong images but you never elaborate beyond vague references to “angles and demons” (cliché) with no connection to the slums. I want to learn about the slums. Ditto the "indigenous simplicity" and how this is being crushed. And Michigan, you return time and again, why? I want more… Thanks, I really enjoyed reading this and look forward to more.
Mcfair
I feel some of your lines deserve entire poems of their own, like the "sidetrack slums of New Dehli," the name evokes strong images but you never elaborate beyond vague references to “angles and demons” (cliché) with no connection to the slums. I want to learn about the slums. Ditto the "indigenous simplicity" and how this is being crushed. And Michigan, you return time and again, why? I want more… Thanks, I really enjoyed reading this and look forward to more.
Mcfair