Pensive Glance

[ellajam]

Thank you all for your comments.

I have replaced one “now” and one “simple” with “honest”

What probably doesn't come across clearly is that this is about an elderly couple who have lived together many years. (although old age is mentioned). The “pleasure” is therefore a diffuse feeling providing  a warm glow triggered by memories of a lifetime.

I would admit to a certain blandness – it is meant to be a gentle expression of affection in old age rather than the passions of youth, so perhaps it was always going to be unexciting.

The question of cliché arises. It has been suggested that ordinary love poetry is rather over produced and so perhaps clichés easily find their way into such poetry. I'm just pleased and satisfied that the poem has generated interest and been generally well liked – thank you all again

I think the poem and its participants are perfectly clear. I don't think the subject precludes the idea of writing an above average poem. When you're ready to bump your rhymes up and work on saying the same thing in a unique way you could take this to a new level of interest. You can keep the softness and universality of it and still write a poem that grabs even the young reader, and the reader who has read a lifetime of love poems. Plenty of us here try, occasionally successfully.