Excursion

[71degrees]

There is no sadder song
than a two-lane highway

imagining lost loves standing
on its soft shoulders.

Hi 71degrees. I think that you should include some kind of auditory element into the last three lines since you say it is a sad song. The rest is visual and tactile images, which are great, but I think you also need to include a sound to make the first line work.

I also think that you could do more to incorporate the feeling of melancholy into your title. You could also use the title to say something about the driver or listening.

Hope this helps,

MadelineAnne

I think you're probably right. Trying to keep it in the "short form poetry" forum, Madeline. I love minimal form. Will reevaluate.

Thanks.