02-07-2017, 06:46 PM
I wrote this poem just for fun. Many poems I read deal with very serious stuff. I thought it is a good idea to do something lighter.
The rhyme took on 'a mind of its own' leading the poem in directions I did not plan in advance.
Maybe, that's part of the fun of poetry.
Bath Time
Ah, a bath.
Turn on the tap
later a nap
Then to dine
Maybe some wine
And let the mind wander,
To places, here, there and yonder.
To momentarily feel
Memories so fine
You’d wish you could
Go back in time,
Back when the days were simple and fine.
Remembering:
The farmer laying the hay
Watching your mother baking all day
Listening to water drops splashing ever so gently onto pebble, stones and rocks
Seeing massive boats pulling into crowded docks. .
Gazing at goldsmiths fixing a broken clock
Staring at stockbrokers counting their never ending stock
Looking at goods I wish I could pawn
Awed at the fog hiding the dawn
Shocked at stars twinkling so bright
Squinting at summer sunsets sublime
Reminiscing the good old times,
Back when the days were simple and fine.
I'm practically a newborn child in terms of poetry, so the following suggestions may or may not help you with this poem.
I'm not used to writing or reading poems that are this cheerful, the stuff above is my take on it, I'd say its a pretty good poem. One suggestion that you'd might consider is having the part after Remembering: to be written more in the way a mind wanders ( having random thoughts about random things and whatnot).
The rhyme took on 'a mind of its own' leading the poem in directions I did not plan in advance.
Maybe, that's part of the fun of poetry.
Bath Time
Ah, a bath.
Turn on the tap
later a nap
Then to dine
Maybe some wine
And let the mind wander,
To places, here, there and yonder.
To momentarily feel
Memories so fine
You’d wish you could
Go back in time,
Back when the days were simple and fine.
Remembering:
The farmer laying the hay
Watching your mother baking all day
Listening to water drops splashing ever so gently onto pebble, stones and rocks
Seeing massive boats pulling into crowded docks. .
Gazing at goldsmiths fixing a broken clock
Staring at stockbrokers counting their never ending stock
Looking at goods I wish I could pawn
Awed at the fog hiding the dawn
Shocked at stars twinkling so bright
Squinting at summer sunsets sublime
Reminiscing the good old times,
Back when the days were simple and fine.
I'm practically a newborn child in terms of poetry, so the following suggestions may or may not help you with this poem.
I'm not used to writing or reading poems that are this cheerful, the stuff above is my take on it, I'd say its a pretty good poem. One suggestion that you'd might consider is having the part after Remembering: to be written more in the way a mind wanders ( having random thoughts about random things and whatnot).