02-08-2017, 07:36 AM
A well worked short and I get that you need the human element to bounce the hatred off but S1 feels flat, a good image but no edge, could you humanise the playground give it its own life for the N to hate. The end is spot on playing with the title, all in all a very nice short poem S1 just need something more. Hope this makes sense, Best Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out