02-16-2017, 11:09 AM
This may be a little late in the game but thought i'd throw in some suggestions as i'm new here and this seemed like a good pick 
Ah, a bath.
Turn on the tap - "that tap" instead of "the tap"
perhaps later a nap
Then on to dine
Maybe have some wine
let the mind wander,
To places, here, there and yonder.
To momentarily feel
Memories so fine
You wish you could
Go backward in time. - maybe "back" or "backwards" would flow better
Remembering:
Seeing the farmer saying the hay - assuming you meant to say "laying" and not saying" :-) so maybe fix that typo there
Watching the mother baking all day
Listening to water splashing onto rocks - try "splash" instead of "splashing"
Seeing big boats pulling into square docks. - "onto" instead of "into"
Gazing at goldsmiths fixing a clock - "their clocks" instead of "clock"-might fit in better as your previous lines had plural nouns at the end
Staring at stockbrokers counting their stock - again, maybe "stocks" instead of "stock"
Looking at goods I wish I could pawn
Awed at the fog hiding the dawn
Shocked at stars twinkling so bright - maybe "stunned as stars who twinkle so bright"
Squinting at summer sunsets sublime
Having a good time all of the time.
These are all only suggestions that i felt might make your poem flow just a little better, from an amateurs perspective. However, your poem is already very good! Good imagery, really led to the reader visualizing all parts of the poem, continue with that.
Ah, a bath.
Turn on the tap - "that tap" instead of "the tap"
perhaps later a nap
Then on to dine
Maybe have some wine
let the mind wander,
To places, here, there and yonder.
To momentarily feel
Memories so fine
You wish you could
Go backward in time. - maybe "back" or "backwards" would flow better
Remembering:
Seeing the farmer saying the hay - assuming you meant to say "laying" and not saying" :-) so maybe fix that typo there
Watching the mother baking all day
Listening to water splashing onto rocks - try "splash" instead of "splashing"
Seeing big boats pulling into square docks. - "onto" instead of "into"
Gazing at goldsmiths fixing a clock - "their clocks" instead of "clock"-might fit in better as your previous lines had plural nouns at the end
Staring at stockbrokers counting their stock - again, maybe "stocks" instead of "stock"
Looking at goods I wish I could pawn
Awed at the fog hiding the dawn
Shocked at stars twinkling so bright - maybe "stunned as stars who twinkle so bright"
Squinting at summer sunsets sublime
Having a good time all of the time.
These are all only suggestions that i felt might make your poem flow just a little better, from an amateurs perspective. However, your poem is already very good! Good imagery, really led to the reader visualizing all parts of the poem, continue with that.