02-16-2017, 01:58 PM
Actually, I want to ask you all something.
My repetition and changing genres and writing prose is all on purpose.
Its actually prose with a verse denouement
Like when I repeat the crow imagery. I'm trying to create a sense of urgency and anxiety in the reader.
I want to make it clear that this was disturbing and flashing in my minds eye like a nightmare, because it was a nightmare.
Like a flash of the imagery. then my retrospection. A flash and more dissection..
---But then again, I hear you. I can't talk about a crow without sounding like a Poe wannabe.
Each line is read fast without a break until the next new line.
I think I need to read it aloud... I'll try and do that through youtube,
When I read it aloud there are too many karls. So I rewrote it using more of the advice given.
OK. So I took out more of the back story and a few Karl's and wrote this first part in present tense.
"Karl Karl Karl" the crow caws
From its perch on a log outside my window.
It is April 2005 and I have yet to propose.
Again "Karl Karl Karl!" the crow caws from the log floating by my window as the spring thaw floods the muddy river. It swells and surrounds the shotgun shack I built for us.
I am young and strong and defiant. A modern Ulysses, polytropos without a beard. Even Mother Nature's wrath for building on her river's bed seems a mere nuisance. I can rescue my fair maiden, my damsel, my waif, my wife, where all have failed: the doctors, her mother, her father, even God himself.
"Karl! Karl! Karl!" the crow caws outside my window, his black eyes screaming at me, head cocked to one side.
But still I sleep. And moonlight dances on the surging river rising higher and higher. The water lapping against the cedar shakes, making its way into my dreams.
Day breaks and I roll out of bed to find water at my feet, the window closed. I look for my black eyed tormentor I see nothing but water surrounding the house.
I am inundated.
Here is where I change to past tense.
And for a brief moment I almost got the warning call.
Maybe I did and just didn't want to.
I knew who he was and what happened. I knew he was dead. I knew it was because of her and what she had done to him.
But there is no mistake that crow cried to me
"Karl!"
Like some Shakespeare ghost, pleading that I run away and save myself from this doom. A meandering disaster that everyone in the audience has seen coming for four hundred years.
This last verse conveys that instead of heeding the warning and leaving, Like a quixotic sap I stayed. I feel like I need some transition into this...I want to say that I should have left but..then i decided to get back in bed with her
Her lilting voice come-hithers me
to bed and sweet perfume
Anon I said and walked toward
this siren song, my doom.
My repetition and changing genres and writing prose is all on purpose.
Its actually prose with a verse denouement
Like when I repeat the crow imagery. I'm trying to create a sense of urgency and anxiety in the reader.
I want to make it clear that this was disturbing and flashing in my minds eye like a nightmare, because it was a nightmare.
Like a flash of the imagery. then my retrospection. A flash and more dissection..
---But then again, I hear you. I can't talk about a crow without sounding like a Poe wannabe.
Each line is read fast without a break until the next new line.
I think I need to read it aloud... I'll try and do that through youtube,
When I read it aloud there are too many karls. So I rewrote it using more of the advice given.
OK. So I took out more of the back story and a few Karl's and wrote this first part in present tense.
"Karl Karl Karl" the crow caws
From its perch on a log outside my window.
It is April 2005 and I have yet to propose.
Again "Karl Karl Karl!" the crow caws from the log floating by my window as the spring thaw floods the muddy river. It swells and surrounds the shotgun shack I built for us.
I am young and strong and defiant. A modern Ulysses, polytropos without a beard. Even Mother Nature's wrath for building on her river's bed seems a mere nuisance. I can rescue my fair maiden, my damsel, my waif, my wife, where all have failed: the doctors, her mother, her father, even God himself.
"Karl! Karl! Karl!" the crow caws outside my window, his black eyes screaming at me, head cocked to one side.
But still I sleep. And moonlight dances on the surging river rising higher and higher. The water lapping against the cedar shakes, making its way into my dreams.
Day breaks and I roll out of bed to find water at my feet, the window closed. I look for my black eyed tormentor I see nothing but water surrounding the house.
I am inundated.
Here is where I change to past tense.
And for a brief moment I almost got the warning call.
Maybe I did and just didn't want to.
I knew who he was and what happened. I knew he was dead. I knew it was because of her and what she had done to him.
But there is no mistake that crow cried to me
"Karl!"
Like some Shakespeare ghost, pleading that I run away and save myself from this doom. A meandering disaster that everyone in the audience has seen coming for four hundred years.
This last verse conveys that instead of heeding the warning and leaving, Like a quixotic sap I stayed. I feel like I need some transition into this...I want to say that I should have left but..then i decided to get back in bed with her
Her lilting voice come-hithers me
to bed and sweet perfume
Anon I said and walked toward
this siren song, my doom.