03-12-2017, 07:03 AM 
	
	
	
		The get it/didn't get it consensus vote is definitely on the didn't side, so the poem must be judged a failure.  Not sure @billy's suggestion of working in a turn or two would help; perhaps the fundamental problem is that senryu describe people's behavior rather than, as here, prescribe it.
Will try to do better. 
	
	
	
Will try to do better.
 
	 Non-practicing atheist
 Non-practicing atheist

 

 
