07-02-2017, 08:33 PM
Hi,
I like how simple your poem is. I noticed that it doesn't contain any characters, or objects, it is simply an "essence".
I feel like it sits a bit too light, though. I think it would carry more impact if the flow of consequences from one line of the poem to the next was more gradual rather than abrupt.
I like how simple your poem is. I noticed that it doesn't contain any characters, or objects, it is simply an "essence".
I feel like it sits a bit too light, though. I think it would carry more impact if the flow of consequences from one line of the poem to the next was more gradual rather than abrupt.