10-12-2017, 01:04 AM
Hi,
I really like the last two lines. I would keep the line "as a practiced smile that covers one's face." I don't feel it is redundant. Someone can have a fake smile but a fake smile that then covers their faces implies that the mask takes over who they are. On this note, you might want to mention or foreshadow the idea you are ending on a big earlier in the poem. Maybe you could replace the "brain" imagery with a description that connects more to your concluding idea.
I really like the last two lines. I would keep the line "as a practiced smile that covers one's face." I don't feel it is redundant. Someone can have a fake smile but a fake smile that then covers their faces implies that the mask takes over who they are. On this note, you might want to mention or foreshadow the idea you are ending on a big earlier in the poem. Maybe you could replace the "brain" imagery with a description that connects more to your concluding idea.