07-02-2018, 06:40 AM
@knot again, thanks for the help! i have reordered it so to alternate between external and internal, although the last stanza is really neither. as for the use of 'shallow,' i have tried to differentiate between that and 'collapse' in this edit. hope it appears less contradictory.
@homer1950 unfortunately i have no idea how to try less. in terms of style, i am capable of a more narrative flow, but you are very right: even in school, and in life, i tend to write in an almost archaic manner. if you have any suggestions on potential cuts, do speak.
@homer1950 unfortunately i have no idea how to try less. in terms of style, i am capable of a more narrative flow, but you are very right: even in school, and in life, i tend to write in an almost archaic manner. if you have any suggestions on potential cuts, do speak.