Attack (revised)

[SpruceMoose]

A chill runs up my back
Like an angry train clacking down a track
Jarring and unwanted
Cutting through the whole of my soul
Dividing east from west
Descending into Dissonance
Bludgeoned by burden
Mapping out history's problems

Eliot's start of the Prufrock poem is the best example of an extended metaphor in the history of poetry. Read it. And then read it again. About 25 times. It will help you with the start of this poem which is redundant, full of cliches, and abstract. You could say the same thing in about three lines.

I grew up in a train town, listened to them every evening when I was a kid b/c I slept on a porch one block from the railroad yard. Real trains sound nothing like this. Go find a rail yard. Park your car and really listen to what a billion pound train sounds like. It ain't 'unstoppable weight' or 'jarring and unwanted'.....

I disagree. I have always lived in one train town or another.  They are very much jarring and unwanted, and the screeching... oh the screeching. 
I will read the poem you referenced though, thanks for the tips!