50% Chance of Rain

[brynmawr1]

A stuttered, saltless ocean   The stuttering of a saltless ocean
drums beating on a rooftop's head  inverting offers a sort of delayed enjambment.  Though could cut beating as could be implied
Clouds percussing their with their long-held secret, sacred thoughts  long-held seems unnecessary

Dreaming aloud,   I like the dream reference but not sure this line is working as well as it could
They wash the world anew  washing?  Depends on how you rework the previous line
As water coloring the canvas of earth-   earth's canvas?
The dusty soil, the thirsty trees,
Cinder blocks and sand
Like ink on a parched page
Tones darkening and flowing together

Tiny rivulets slyly slink over and through  the cut parts are redundant.  don't like slink, too personifying, run, maybe?  still a little personifying but not so much.
Seeking always the hidden hallways always seeking, avoid yoda speak
Across my fortress walls of glass  this line confuses me, specially given the lines that follow later.
To sink beneath my skin
And make my colors run
This, I once thought I knew   actually this whole stanza is a little confusing and the turn into the next stanza is also obscure

Until one day, 
While trapped within my castle's corridors
With my thoughts too numerous, jostling and elbowing  cut to tighten
too numerous for my small and fragile skull
I heard the call of waters falling  hear.....falling waters

I rolled down my drawbridge
I slunk in careful, cold-resistant, water-proofed armor

Until

The gentle

Interrupted

Stacatto song of the river-sky   good rhythm, but seems overly poetic
Beckoned more deeply than I could stand  beckoned not a very interesting word, a little cliche.
I threw off my hood,
Tossed back my head,
and let the raindrops land.  the ending is relatable and provides a clear image.

Hi Quicksilver,
Overall I like the feel and the starting with water, but I think your overall message isn't as effective as it could be.  What I get is the rain being avoided, problems?, until its relentless drumbeat is hard to ignore, maybe?  The set up is good but the turn lacks clarity and development, ie the reader doesn't know what the narrator knew or what changed.  Resist being cryptic.  Compelling language is what drives the narrative, not its complexity (ie obscurity).  So most of my suggestions are regarding language, but I haven't really addressed the narrative.  That is up to you
I look forward to your edits.
Bryn