Dust

[poetry_zealot]

Dust


day by day it gets harder
to capture thoughts in my head
and to use my work as their cellar
when each day I feel more and more dead                  I think you can remove "and more" unless your intent is to have each line in that stanza be longer than the previous one.


gradually the paper
will fade and char
as flames of reality burn                                               I think it reads better if you put this line and the following one in paratheses and delete the "as". It gives it the feeling of an afterthought and makes the structure simpler.
its words turn to ash
like my soul, defeated,                                             Not sure if defeated is really needed here.
becoming dust.
I think there is some room for improvement here. Other than the minor nitpicks, I think this poem could benefit a lot more from detailed imagery as in the first stanza, there is no distinguishing image or description which disconnects the reader from the stanza. Good work though.

Dust


day by day it gets harder
to capture the thoughts in my head
and to use my work as their cellar
when every day I feel more and more dead


gradually the paper
will fade and fade
as the flames of reality burn.
its words evaporate
like my soul, defeated,
becoming dust.