09-25-2025, 08:41 AM
I didn't mind the changes in rhythm, it worked for me pretty well. I actually enjoyed reading it.
What I would say in terms of critique?
This poem seems to rely mostly on logical reasoning. There are not too many metaphors or similes (the first adjective appears on line 6, which I think already tells me something, and then it continues without adjectives for a few more lines)
This is fine, I think. But then your chain of reasoning alone should be enough to hold the reader's attention, right? And I felt like towards the end you lost me – the connection between lines became weaker, and I could not follow you that well. Perhaps you could indeed change it somewhat to make your logic more lucid?
What I would say in terms of critique?
This poem seems to rely mostly on logical reasoning. There are not too many metaphors or similes (the first adjective appears on line 6, which I think already tells me something, and then it continues without adjectives for a few more lines)
This is fine, I think. But then your chain of reasoning alone should be enough to hold the reader's attention, right? And I felt like towards the end you lost me – the connection between lines became weaker, and I could not follow you that well. Perhaps you could indeed change it somewhat to make your logic more lucid?