Post Lightning

[Bunx]

Post Lightning 

Sometimes I replace 
"I don't care"
with silence,
because I forgot how to share.

The aura of shame,
outlined in fear
protected by pills
that hold back tears.

Catalyzed by 
hidden events in my life
that happened
during trying times. 

Visions witness went 
far beyond comprehension.

Portraits morphing in jailcells 
to walls changing in the hospital.
Days after being tazed 
inside my former living room. 

I watched from the 
body cams perspective 
a nightmare
that I recall differently.

Seeing myself confused, fainting 
down my worn blue stairs.

Cops then picked the loose
shocking metal from my skin.

Is this the cost of my sin?
The consequence of a wrong prescription?
I don't deserve these sensations.

It's not that I lack empathy,
it's not that I don't care.

I mourn the days listening 
to friends complain about their day
answering compassion's call.

I'd rather write about love
then hospital walls.