someday I'll be something

[Deor Ana Log]

Someday I'll be something, The repetition of 'some' here is way to general
Just today I'll be somebody. grounding the piece in today works but not amazingly
For tomorrow flits her glittered eyelids, use an actual name here, and move it to the start of the piece
and yesterday her 40 love stories -- moving from today to tomorrow is a great move
but you are a sunny somebody great use of alliteration here, and I didn't expect 'some' to be used again
shyly shining through a simple something. by now the audience isn't tuned in due to the constant repetition.

Where was this piece going before it ended? So short, and some-filled, I can't quite find the message. Glitter imagery is the best moment in this poem, but other than that, it falls flat. As much as a single extra stanza would have helped it to stand out. Was it an intentional choice not the spell out the number forty?

Honestly, this piece earns a 3/10 from me. There is not much content to analyze, in terms of poetic devices or otherwise. The next direction I would go is giving a name to the subject, and finding many more synonyms for 'some' Thanks for sharing - Deor Ana Log