Advice

[rbamssy]

Advice

“Be measured. Keep it cool, man, that’s the game.
Don’t get all emotional; that’s lame.
Don’t use dated words like “lame,” that’s cringe.
No one wants to hear a grown man whinge.
Waste no time delighting in the moon,
the ocean, the horizon, or the loon’s
torn cry at midnight—you were born in Georgia.
The only loon you know’s a girl named Georgia.
Take everything you feel and write it down
or sideways, backwards—no one really cares
unless it moves the needle, splits the shares,
glues chair to ass—you have to make a movie
of your life, man, really paint the town.
Telling the truth about it? That’s a doozy.”

Jeez, I feel like I don't see enough rhyming on this site.
I like this poem a lot though I can't say why. Others have already given their fair share of criticism so I thought I'd just drop by to tell you that whatever emotion this poem conveys it conveys it very well. It gives the sense of being frustrated with no reasonable cause to feel that way and I think the language reflects that. I hate to disagree, especially with those more skilled than me but it seems like the things that bothered other people—specifically the weird rhymes and stops—really paint a picture of a poet clenching their pencil tightly. I don't know how else to describe it. 

The jittery language makes me feel tight in my chest while the pacing flows in just the right way where I actually had to stop reading it and come back later because although it frustrated me it also messed with my brain enough to make me want another taste. Again I don't know if that's what you intended but it's what I got. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.