~Memories Of A Fathers Daughter~ (Age 8)

[ficosdarkness]

Hi fico,]

This reminds me of a poetry prompt I did once. The subject was go back in time and tell your younger self something important.

I think there's a lot of truth in how it intrinsically feels to the rest of the family when "alcoholic-dad" comes home and makes it appearance. Everything sort of skips a beat and hesitates as you all have to assess his mood.

Thinking of the situation and putting him in the place of a rabid dog I almost wonder if line one would be better worded:

Daddy's home! Can he smell the fear?

Sort of like they say dogs can sense when you're afraid.

This is much better than any first poem I ever wrote. Mostly because there is some real emotion here that you can work with.

One thing to consider in later poems you write also:

Don't mess up the syntax to make a rhyme work.

It's one or the other on that you can bet,
He'll quench that thirst, his "whistle" he'll wet.

If it sounds like something Yoda from Star Wars would say than the syntax needs to be put back in order. His whistle he'll wet is sort of that way. The natural way to say it is he'll wet his whistle. For rhyme to work it has to appear natural it's better to work for the rhymes than to force them.

Again though, your starting from a better place than most. It's always easier to pare down something than it is to work without any emotioinal substance.

Again as always I hope some of that was helpful.

Best,

Todd

Heck yeah it's helpful! Thank you Todd! This came out so fast that I didn't really edit it, my memorie of that night is still so fresh that I didn't even consider that it could flow better. It can, you are awesome, thanks again!