Ghost
#1
It's been 10 years since I have seen your face,
inhaled your minty breath , a cigarette.
But like my smokes, my healing lungs forget
those expelled breaths that occupied the space.
The earth moves on, it trods its earthly pace
and doesn't hesitate to mark regret.
10 years can pass like smoke in fog and yet
a passing wind makes smoke and fog embrace.

A photograph fell from a dislodged book
that wouldn't rest quite right upon the shelf.
Now every time the earth tastes fresh borne rain,
I smell your hair. When I am out, I look
to find your blush but find, instead, myself -
similar, but weary, gray and tight with pain.
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#2
(06-13-2013, 06:38 AM)milo Wrote:  It's been 10 years since I have seen your face,
inhaled your minty breath , a cigarette.
But like my smokes, my healing lungs forget
those expelled breaths that occupied the space.
The earth moves on, it trods its earthly pace
and doesn't hesitate to mark regret.
10 years can pass like smoke in fog and yet
a passing wind makes smoke and fog embrace.

A photograph fell from a dislodged book
that wouldn't rest quite right upon the shelf.
Now every time the earth tastes fresh borne rain,
I smell your hair. When I am out, I look
to find your blush but find, instead, myself -
similar, but weary, gray and tight with pain.

You reuse words but they don't seem redundant. Well done.
Now for my cigarette.
I'll be there in a minute.
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#3
(06-13-2013, 06:41 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  
(06-13-2013, 06:38 AM)milo Wrote:  It's been 10 years since I have seen your face,
inhaled your minty breath , a cigarette.
But like my smokes, my healing lungs forget
those expelled breaths that occupied the space.
The earth moves on, it trods its earthly pace
and doesn't hesitate to mark regret.
10 years can pass like smoke in fog and yet
a passing wind makes smoke and fog embrace.

A photograph fell from a dislodged book
that wouldn't rest quite right upon the shelf.
Now every time the earth tastes fresh borne rain,
I smell your hair. When I am out, I look
to find your blush but find, instead, myself -
similar, but weary, gray and tight with pain.

You reuse words but they don't seem redundant. Well done.
Now for my cigarette.

My wife calls me cheap but I prefer frugal.Big Grin

I quit smoking 10 years ago but I forget sometimes.

Thanks for the comments.
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#4
I caught that.. you know, from the poem.
I'll be there in a minute.
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#5
(06-13-2013, 07:34 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  I caught that.. you know, from the poem.

well, usually my narrator's have nothing in common with me at all, but, yah, this one time something slipped through.
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#6
(06-13-2013, 06:38 AM)milo Wrote:  It's been 10 years since I have seen your face,
inhaled your minty breath , a cigarette.
But like my smokes, my healing lungs forget
those expelled breaths that occupied the space.
The earth moves on, it trods its earthly pace
and doesn't hesitate to mark regret.
10 years can pass like smoke in fog and yet
a passing wind makes smoke and fog embrace.

A photograph fell from a dislodged book
that wouldn't rest quite right upon the shelf.
Now every time the earth tastes fresh borne rain,
I smell your hair. When I am out, I look
to find your blush but find, instead, myself -
similar, but weary, gray and tight with pain.

Smoke is caused by combustion while fog is caused by moisture. Tongue
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#7
The smoke is passing through the fog?
I'll be there in a minute.
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#8
(06-13-2013, 10:19 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  The smoke is passing through the fog?

The thought was that 10 years can pass, disappear, whatever as easily and seamlessly as smoke can disappear unnoticed into fog.
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#9
because it's for fun, i have to ask wtf is trodsHuh
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#10
(06-13-2013, 11:28 AM)billy Wrote:  because it's for fun, i have to ask wtf is trodsHuh

it is a word I made up. Maybe plods instead?
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#11
(06-13-2013, 12:00 PM)milo Wrote:  
(06-13-2013, 11:28 AM)billy Wrote:  because it's for fun, i have to ask wtf is trodsHuh

it is a word I made up. Maybe plods instead?

A Neologism
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#12
(06-13-2013, 12:59 PM)milo Wrote:  
(06-13-2013, 12:56 PM)Brownlie Wrote:  
(06-13-2013, 12:00 PM)milo Wrote:  it is a word I made up. Maybe plods instead?

A Neologism

Yes, you will find them in many of my poems. If the word I want doesn't exist, I make it up and try to make the meaning obvious. Some people it bothers, some it doesn't. You noted lobula last time, someone pointed out fustic once, many pass unnoticed virtually forever.

Well trod is in the dictionary as the past and participle of tread. Hysterical
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#13
(06-13-2013, 01:15 PM)Brownlie Wrote:  
(06-13-2013, 12:59 PM)milo Wrote:  
(06-13-2013, 12:56 PM)Brownlie Wrote:  A Neologism

Yes, you will find them in many of my poems. If the word I want doesn't exist, I make it up and try to make the meaning obvious. Some people it bothers, some it doesn't. You noted lobula last time, someone pointed out fustic once, many pass unnoticed virtually forever.

Well trod is in the dictionary as the past participle of tread. Hysterical

I can definitely change the word if it is distracting.
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#14
(06-13-2013, 01:16 PM)milo Wrote:  
(06-13-2013, 01:15 PM)Brownlie Wrote:  
(06-13-2013, 12:59 PM)milo Wrote:  Yes, you will find them in many of my poems. If the word I want doesn't exist, I make it up and try to make the meaning obvious. Some people it bothers, some it doesn't. You noted lobula last time, someone pointed out fustic once, many pass unnoticed virtually forever.

Well trod is in the dictionary as the past participle of tread. Hysterical

I can definitely change the word if it is distracting.

I think a verb that pertains to the way in which the earth moves might better serve you. Meanwhile, I found this in the dictionary (I'm not racist):
nigga can be found at Merriam-WebsterUnabridged.com. Click here to start your free trial! Click here to search for another word in the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.
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#15
pods has assonance so yeah, though it doesn't matter Wink
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#16
(06-13-2013, 04:31 PM)billy Wrote:  pods has assonance so yeah, though it doesn't matter Wink

wait, /pods/??!! WTF billy?
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#17
oops what the L

i meant plods Blush
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#18
This is getting ridiculous. And Milo, I was answering Brownlie in that last one. I forget tone doesn't come off easy on the net.
I'll be there in a minute.
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#19
(06-13-2013, 10:48 PM)newsclippings Wrote:  This is getting ridiculous. And Milo, I was answering Brownlie in that last one. I forget tone doesn't come off easy on the net.

Sorry to veer from Milo's poem but I have noticed the lack of tone problem even smileys are ambiguous. One can imagine what one may imagine from these vacant words
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#20
(06-13-2013, 10:48 PM)newsclippings Wrote:  This is getting ridiculous. And Milo, I was answering Brownlie in that last one. I forget tone doesn't come off easy on the net.

Yah, I actually figured that out and was going to delete but then just left it anyway

(06-14-2013, 12:55 AM)Brownlie Wrote:  
(06-13-2013, 10:48 PM)newsclippings Wrote:  This is getting ridiculous. And Milo, I was answering Brownlie in that last one. I forget tone doesn't come off easy on the net.

Sorry to veer from Milo's poem but I have noticed the lack of tone problem even smileys are ambiguous. One can imagine what one may imagine from these vacant words

it's the for fun forum we are allowed to veer as much as we want! Thumbsup
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