Short poem

[Volaticus]

Patroller of paths,
antennas eager;
the sneaking snail.

[Leanne]

Lovely use of alliteration -- it can be overwhelming in a little poem like this, but you control it beautifully. The image of the snail is excellent (but I still feel like I want to squash it)

[tectak]

Patroller of paths,
antennas eager;
the sneaking snail.

Slider on slime
a foot a minute;
Gotcha!

....I'm the catcher in the rye!

Liked it,vol, for its alliterative content and boy, that semi colon puts it right up there
Yes to this. Now, about the use of metaldehydes....
Best,
tectak

[billy]

excellent. as leanne said the alliteration makes it bigger than it is and that's quite a feet in such a small poem

[Volaticus]

Lovely use of alliteration -- it can be overwhelming in a little poem like this, but you control it beautifully. The image of the snail is excellent (but I still feel like I want to squash it)

Hi Leanne,
Thank you very much for your comments and your kind words. I have a soft spot for alliterations in short poems, so it means a lot to me that you think it works. I actually kind of like snails. The ones with houses on their backs. I like to watch them take forever to get from one end to the other of my small, grassy backyard.
Best,
Louise

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Slider on slime
a foot a minute;
Gotcha!

....I'm the catcher in the rye!

Liked it,vol, for its alliterative content and boy, that semi colon puts it right up there
Yes to this. Now, about the use of metaldehydes....
Best,
tectak

Hi tectac,
Love your little poem! And thanks for your comments, they are very much appreciated.
Best,
Louise

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excellent. as leanne said the alliteration makes it bigger than it is and that's quite a feet in such a small poem

Hi billy,
Thanks you so much for your kind comments, they're much appreciated. It's always nice to get a little boost of confidence, cause I was a bit unsure if the poem was just too short for it's content.
Best,
Louise

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It is a nice little poem, Volaticus.

Thank you very much, true. I much appreciate it.
Best,
Louise