I Wrote My Suicide Note

[71degrees]

Beneath your
eyelids; so you
would see.

In hieroglyphics,
so you would
never understand.

This is a fine statement poem. One of the best I've seen. My only nitpick would be your use of the semi-colon. Your second thought in the first stanza is an adverb clause, which are not usually separated by semi-colon. Unusual use and this is coming from an advocate of unusual uses for punctuation. Was curious as to your intent. It just doesn't follow the pattern used in the 2nd stanza, and stuff like that sticks out in such a short poem.

Please don't get me wrong, the poem is wonderful. I wish I had written this. I love brevity.

[Todd]

Beneath your
eyelids; so you
would see.

In hieroglyphics,
so you would
never understand.

This is a fine statement poem. One of the best I've seen. My only nitpick would be your use of the semi-colon. Your second thought in the first stanza is an adverb clause, which are not usually separated by semi-colon. Unusual use and this is coming from an advocate of unusual uses for punctuation. Was curious as to your intent. It just doesn't follow the pattern used in the 2nd stanza, and stuff like that sticks out in such a short poem.

Please don't get me wrong, the poem is wonderful. I wish I had written this. I love brevity.

71 degrees both you and Brownlie pointed this out and I agree with you. I wondered why I put it in here. It slipped in between drafts when it used to work. I'll fix it.

I do appreciate your comments and all the others on the thread. I'll review them all.

Best,

Todd

[gslegrá]

I Wrote My Suicide Note
Beneath your
eyelids; so you
would see.

In hieroglyphics,
so you would
never understand.

Brilliant! The pain of suicide is represented so clearly. Thanking the higher power for so no suicides amongst my loved ones, I can imagine what it must be like to read a letter from someone who has taken their life and NOT understanding whatever reason they give for doing so.

[Swoonjet]

Also like the use of 'hieroglyphics'.

And eyelids.

It's a tight little riddle. Thank you.

[Thoth the Atlantean]

This was the very first poem I read on pigpenpoetry so I was a little taken back by it being so short. I have to agree with Insideaus comment that it is much more powerful this way. Addressing such an emotional topic requires a deep and thought provoking use of words. Making the poem longer can only serve to describe in more detail what has already been said. This way everything is left up to the mind of the individual and any other verses write themselves.

[Thoth the Atlantean]

This reminds me of a drum beat. It's quite nice Todd. I actually think the first three stand well by themselves, too.

I agree about the first three. I think the last three do well by themselves also.

[Humbert]

Absolutely brilliant. I also am a little stuck on the semi-colon use though in the first stanza. I'm not sure what you meant when you said you'd fix it, but I think omitting it entirely would set this poem in stone. Nothing more to say for me. Great work

[LickinLyrics]

Wow. Great title. Captured me right away! I seem to connect to this short work of art. The fact that you wrote it in "hieroglyphs" shows that you know what you wrote but others may not understand. Short, strong, and makes you think a little.