Enmity

[zmeansy]

I have been so dark so long
how could I not be the Light of the World?
I am no 'good' man.
I have so much
how could I not be the poorest of them all?
numismatists value coins they can not find
prisoners value cigarettes they can not smoke
What do you value?
Enmity-Gives definition to everything.
It agrees with nothing.


-ZM

[rowens]

You have a decent theme, the two lines that don't agree with the rest are all right. It isn't the best writing or the most interesting poem. But it could work beside some other poems or writings you might have.

[casper]

I have been so dark so long
how could I not be the Light of the World?
I am no 'good' man.
I have so much
how could I not be the poorest of them all?
numismatists value coins they can not find
prisoners value cigarettes they can not smoke
What do you value?
Enmity-Gives definition to everything.
It agrees with nothing.


-ZM

I like how you capture the problems of the modern world; the questions of introspection, the struggle to find ourselves and the meaning of what is real in a world that sometimes does not make sense.
"I have so much" breaks up the poem in a way which I am not sure reads very well but what I like is that it stops you to let the words sink in.

[Cyferz]

I have been so dark so long
how could I not be the Light of the World?
I am no 'good' man.
"Light of the World" implying a deity? Then refer to self as a man. Confused.

I have so much
how could I not be the poorest of them all?
I see what you're trying to do with duality but still no sign of a premise

numismatists value coins they can not find
Doesn't really help if I have to google a word mid-read

prisoners value cigarettes they can not smoke
What do you value?
Enmity-Gives definition to everything.
It agrees with nothing.
The last two lines kind of make the rest of it make sense...only barely. This concept should appear at the beginning. Your dramatic ending isnt worth the confusion it causes


-ZM