down the rabbit hole

[zahrakh]

Hi, I couldn't find anything wrong with this poem. This is very well written. One thing,
I did not.
Four months later,
we signed divorce papers
and she packed her things.
I feel more could be said here.

[cjchaffin]

Hi, I couldn't find anything wrong with this poem. This is very well written. One thing,
I did not.
Four months later,
we signed divorce papers
and she packed her things.
I feel more could be said here.

hi zahrakh. thank you. could you elaborate on your comment, please? do you have a suggestion as to what more could be said, or at least some direction that you, the reader, would like to see the strophe go? because as it is, your crit is pretty vague and doesn't really help me tighten up that section, which it does need.

[Rustymetal]

What a light hearted look at divorce. I loved the title, I pick poems to read like I pick racehorses on Melbourne cup.....by the name. I think the drink me ties in. I like the last line too, makes it just a bizarre enough thought at that point in time to help with the Wonderland vibe. The only thing I am not too fussed on is the 4th stanza. Compared to the others it is very ???? plain. The wording is much more basic than all the rest.

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What a light hearted look at divorce. I loved the title, I pick poems to read like I pick racehorses on Melbourne cup.....by the name. I think the drink me ties in. I like the last line too, makes it just a bizarre enough thought at that point in time to help with the Wonderland vibe. The only thing I am not too fussed on is the 4th stanza. Compared to the others it is very ???? plain. The wording is much more basic than all the rest.