Salad Blues, winter leaves. edit 1.005,milo,billy,merc,erthona,fromcancer

[tectak]

This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy; in truth, no green at all.
No ruby fruits, no piercing darts of piping chillies, nor eggplants
pendulate, purple-breasted. Not even one great, golden star
will burst, anticipating pollen; so no zucchini sans my hand.
Winter holds no happy promise, its quaint demise a silent death.
There will be no wake to follow, no joy-filled pots or feast to come.
Instead, the lichened lights grow shaded; unfettered feet
of creeping things greyed out the glass, left cracked by autumn winds.
Old frost-clear tracks, tell-tales of slugs no longer threatened,
blaze in bands of sun-crisped slime. The summer star will shine benign
on bare and barren cedar staging, littered with sharp snail-shell shards;
all victims of the killing days when sulphur fumes formed lethal acid
and black-tar fluid*, watered white, obscured the fragrant panes.
If only there was one more season, one more potter, one more yield;
then I would take my chitted set and cut it into sighted slivers,
dip in dust of saffron yellow, dibble but a hand-depth down,
into the mulch of ages. Then gently lower, cover over,
scoop up ramparts all around; each mound a living grave.
Volcanic* life lies waiting, waiting...but not for me. I will be gone.
Green shoots might stir me in my sleep, they in their bed, me in mine;
but I will plant my Salad Blues...before the winter leaves.
Tectak
2015
Notes by request.
* Jeye's Fluid. A very well known outdoor disinfectant and soil steriliser used world-wide by everyone and his dog for rover a century. Unknown in the USA, possibly banned sustance (citation required).
* volcanic. Volcano-like. Used here to imply the classically mound-shaped appearance, with a tendency to erupt metaphors from the apex(peak).( Obsc. USA )

[fromcancertocapricorn]

This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy; no green at all, Did you mean to use a semicolon? I'm all for creative punctuation, but grammatically speaking, after the semicolon is a fragment, and semicolons require that both sides be complete sentences.
no ruby fruits, no piercing darts of piping chillies, no egg-plants
pendulate and purple breasted. Not even one great, golden star First, why did you spell eggplants that way? Also, pendulate is a verb, the adjective form is pendular. Even then though, I think that pendular would be a weird way to characterize an eggplant, as they don't naturally swing like a pendulum.
will burst anticipating pollen dusting; so no zucchini... and no me.
Winter holds no happy promise, its quaint demise a silent death.
There will be no wake to follow, no joy-filled pots or feast to come.
Instead, the lichened lights are shaded. Unfettered growth
of creeping things greys out the windows, cracked and crazed.
Old frost footsteps tell tails of slugs, no longer threatened by extinction, Do you mean tails? Or do you mean "Tales"?
they blaze their bands of sunlit slime. This year the sun will shine
benignly on the cedar staging, littered with old snail-shell shards.
All are victims of the killing days when sulphur gas combined to acid
and black-tar fluid ran incongruously white down fragrant panes
in alloy frames. I like this sentence, it paints a clear picture of the greenhouse.
Not this year. If only there was one more season,
one more potter, one more yield then I would take my Salad Blue, What is Salad Blue and why is it capitalized?
cut it into sighted slivers, dip in dust of saffron yellow,
dibble but a hand-depth down, into the mulch of ages.
Then gently lower, cover over, scoop up ramparts all around,
each mound a living grave, volcanic life just waiting...waiting, but for what? I think this rhetorical question feels a little out of place. The poem lacks the inquisitive or curious tone that gives an author license to use a question like this.
The shoots would stir me while I sleep, they in their bed, me in mine.
Yes, perhaps I will make one last effort, before this winter leaves. I don't really like that the speaker all of a sudden changes his mind at the last second. It seems like a trivial shift and detracts from the rest of the poem.
Tectak
2015

Overall, I do like this poem, as a sort of seasonal work. However, sometimes I think some complicated phrasing and forced vocabulary bar the poem's ability to relate its message to the reader. The title is really interesting. I particularly like the phrase "Salad Blues" it implies not only sadness, but a growing coldness that runs throughout the poem.

[tectak]

This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy; no green at all, Did you mean to use a semicolon? I'm all for creative punctuation, but grammatically speaking, after the semicolon is a fragment, and semicolons require that both sides be complete sentences.
no ruby fruits, no piercing darts of piping chillies, no egg-plants
pendulate and purple breasted. Not even one great, golden star First, why did you spell eggplants that way? Also, pendulate is a verb, the adjective form is pendular. Even then though, I think that pendular would be a weird way to characterize an eggplant, as they don't naturally swing like a pendulum. No...but breasts do! I spelt eggplants egg-plants because I made an error.Good catch
will burst anticipating pollen dusting; so no zucchini... and no me.
Winter holds no happy promise, its quaint demise a silent death.
There will be no wake to follow, no joy-filled pots or feast to come.
Instead, the lichened lights are shaded. Unfettered growth
of creeping things greys out the windows, cracked and crazed.
Old frost footsteps tell tails of slugs, no longer threatened by extinction, Do you mean tails? Or do you mean "Tales"?
they blaze their bands of sunlit slime. This year the sun will shine
benignly on the cedar staging, littered with old snail-shell shards.
All are victims of the killing days when sulphur gas combined to acid
and black-tar fluid ran incongruously white down fragrant panes
in alloy frames. I like this sentence, it paints a clear picture of the greenhouse.
Not this year. If only there was one more season,
one more potter, one more yield then I would take my Salad Blue, What is Salad Blue and why is it capitalized?
cut it into sighted slivers, dip in dust of saffron yellow,
dibble but a hand-depth down, into the mulch of ages.
Then gently lower, cover over, scoop up ramparts all around,
each mound a living grave, volcanic life just waiting...waiting, but for what? I think this rhetorical question feels a little out of place. The poem lacks the inquisitive or curious tone that gives an author license to use a question like this.
The shoots would stir me while I sleep, they in their bed, me in mine.
Yes, perhaps I will make one last effort, before this winter leaves. I don't really like that the speaker all of a sudden changes his mind at the last second. It seems like a trivial shift and detracts from the rest of the poem.
Tectak
2015

Overall, I do like this poem, as a sort of seasonal work. However, sometimes I think some complicated phrasing and forced vocabulary bar the poem's ability to relate its message to the reader. The title is really interesting. I particularly like the phrase "Salad Blues" it implies not only sadness, but a growing coldness that runs throughout the poem.

Hi from,
First of all,to make the point, google Salad Blue
OK. Semicolons. Fundamental disagreement. The semicolon can be, and more often than not is, used to link connected clauses. Sentences would more likely benefit from conjunctions or commas but NOT always. Even lists can be seperated by semicolons when the only connection is that the items are IN the list.(https://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/Semicolons.html) Nonetheless, I overuse semicolons and am in a large club. Why? Well, this is poetry...not an excuse for faulty grammar...and so the second use for semicolons comes in to play. Semicolons and colons introduce pauses. You can research this use yourself.( John Whale, "Put it in Writing")
I give you credit for your "pendulate" observation.My excuse is in the words that follow. I thought that breasts might pull you in, but no.You have seen an egg-plant? Pendulate is a swing too far perhaps. I may have even made the word up. It will change methinks. Credit.
Tails-tales.Pun. Failed. Credit. Tell tales and tell-tails didn't do it for you?
I am inclined to leave the end alone. The whole thing is lengthily pensive and the pathos at the bitter end is transient. I hope you can see that.
Excellent crit. Changes coming.
Best,
tectak
Note. I checked up pendulate. I didn't make it up...I meant swinging like pendulums and so I was wrong when I said I was wrong...right?
tectak

[fromcancertocapricorn]

This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy; no green at all, Did you mean to use a semicolon? I'm all for creative punctuation, but grammatically speaking, after the semicolon is a fragment, and semicolons require that both sides be complete sentences.
no ruby fruits, no piercing darts of piping chillies, no egg-plants
pendulate and purple breasted. Not even one great, golden star First, why did you spell eggplants that way? Also, pendulate is a verb, the adjective form is pendular. Even then though, I think that pendular would be a weird way to characterize an eggplant, as they don't naturally swing like a pendulum. No...but breasts do! I spelt eggplants egg-plants because I made an error.Good catch
will burst anticipating pollen dusting; so no zucchini... and no me.
Winter holds no happy promise, its quaint demise a silent death.
There will be no wake to follow, no joy-filled pots or feast to come.
Instead, the lichened lights are shaded. Unfettered growth
of creeping things greys out the windows, cracked and crazed.
Old frost footsteps tell tails of slugs, no longer threatened by extinction, Do you mean tails? Or do you mean "Tales"?
they blaze their bands of sunlit slime. This year the sun will shine
benignly on the cedar staging, littered with old snail-shell shards.
All are victims of the killing days when sulphur gas combined to acid
and black-tar fluid ran incongruously white down fragrant panes
in alloy frames. I like this sentence, it paints a clear picture of the greenhouse.
Not this year. If only there was one more season,
one more potter, one more yield then I would take my Salad Blue, What is Salad Blue and why is it capitalized?
cut it into sighted slivers, dip in dust of saffron yellow,
dibble but a hand-depth down, into the mulch of ages.
Then gently lower, cover over, scoop up ramparts all around,
each mound a living grave, volcanic life just waiting...waiting, but for what? I think this rhetorical question feels a little out of place. The poem lacks the inquisitive or curious tone that gives an author license to use a question like this.
The shoots would stir me while I sleep, they in their bed, me in mine.
Yes, perhaps I will make one last effort, before this winter leaves. I don't really like that the speaker all of a sudden changes his mind at the last second. It seems like a trivial shift and detracts from the rest of the poem.
Tectak
2015

Overall, I do like this poem, as a sort of seasonal work. However, sometimes I think some complicated phrasing and forced vocabulary bar the poem's ability to relate its message to the reader. The title is really interesting. I particularly like the phrase "Salad Blues" it implies not only sadness, but a growing coldness that runs throughout the poem.

Hi from,
First of all,to make the point, google Salad Blue
OK. Semicolons. Fundamental disagreement. The semicolon can be, and more often than not is, used to link connected clauses. Sentences would more likely benefit from conjunctions or commas but NOT always. Even lists can be seperated by semicolons when the only connection is that the items are IN the list.(https://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/Semicolons.html) Nonetheless, I overuse semicolons and am in a large club. Why? Well, this is poetry...not an excuse for faulty grammar...and so the second use for semicolons comes in to play. Semicolons and colons introduce pauses. You can research this use yourself.( John Whale, "Put it in Writing")
I give you credit for your "pendulate" observation.My excuse is in the words that follow. I thought that breasts might pull you in, but no.You have seen an egg-plant? Pendulate is a swing too far perhaps. I may have even made the word up. It will change methinks. Credit.
Tails-tales.Pun. Failed. Credit. Tell tales and tell-tails didn't do it for you?
I am inclined to leave the end alone. The whole thing is lengthily pensive and the pathos at the bitter end is transient. I hope you can see that.
Excellent crit. Changes coming.
Best,
tectak
Note. I checked up pendulate. I didn't make it up...I meant swinging like pendulums and so I was wrong when I said I was wrong...right?
tectak

Just a final note on pendulate, I pointed it out just because it's the wrong part of speech. You want to use pendular. Pendulate is a verb; pendular is the more appropriate adjectival form.

[tectak]

Overall, I do like this poem, as a sort of seasonal work. However, sometimes I think some complicated phrasing and forced vocabulary bar the poem's ability to relate its message to the reader. The title is really interesting. I particularly like the phrase "Salad Blues" it implies not only sadness, but a growing coldness that runs throughout the poem.

Hi from,
First of all,to make the point, google Salad Blue
OK. Semicolons. Fundamental disagreement. The semicolon can be, and more often than not is,  used to link connected clauses. Sentences would more likely benefit from conjunctions or commas but NOT always. Even lists can be seperated by semicolons when the only connection is that the items are IN the list.(https://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/Semicolons.html) Nonetheless, I overuse semicolons and am in a large club. Why? Well, this is poetry...not an excuse for faulty grammar...and so the second use for semicolons comes in to play. Semicolons and colons introduce pauses. You can research this use yourself.( John  Whale, "Put it in Writing")
I give you credit for your "pendulate" observation.My excuse is in the words that follow. I thought that breasts might pull you in, but no.You have seen an egg-plant? Pendulate is a swing too far perhaps. I may have even made the word up. It will change methinks. Credit.
Tails-tales.Pun. Failed. Credit. Tell tales and tell-tails didn't do it for you?
I am inclined to leave the end alone. The whole thing is lengthily pensive and the pathos at the bitter end is transient. I hope you can see that.
Excellent crit. Changes coming.
Best,
tectak
Note. I checked up pendulate. I didn't make it up...I meant swinging like pendulums and so I was wrong when I said I was wrong...right?
tectak

Just a final note on pendulate, I pointed it out just because it's the wrong part of speech. You want to use pendular. Pendulate is a verb; pendular is the more appropriate adjectival form.

I am thinking "no eggplants (swinging like pendulums)[verb] and purple-breasted" not " no eggplants ( pendulumish)[adj.] and purple-breasted"
Hmmmmm. Is that a problem? I think maybe there is a no-and conflict in my version. I will look at it.
Best and thanks,
tectak

[Erthona]

This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy; no green at all,
no ruby fruits, no piercing darts of piping chillies, no eggplants
pendulate and purple breasted. Not even one great, golden star  Aside from being overkill and not applying, I would definitely leave "breasted" in. Maybe you could work undulate in there, after all it rhymes.  "pendular"adj - "pendulate" verb
will burst, anticipating pollen; no zucchini without my hand.        A four line list ends, how sad.  Artfully done though.
Winter holds no happy promise, its quaint demise a silent death.   How so, quaint?
There will be no wake to follow, no joy-filled pots or feast to come.  No wake for winter, a double entendre?
Instead, the lichened lights are shaded. Unfettered feet   Nice alliteration, but do you mean the lights are dark? Or do you mean they are shaded by the lichen?  Were the feet once fettered, and what purport does mentioning this fulfill? 
of creeping things greys out the glass, still cracked by autumn gales. This creates no useable image for me.
Old frost-clear tracks, tell-tales of slugs no longer threatened,
blaze in bands of sun-crisped slime. The summer star will shine benign  I will praise you for the rhyme, as I assume you are awaiting it. A single summer star, not summer stars, or the summer triangle? You evidently have knowledge I lack. Or is this a shoddy reference to the sun?
on bare and barren cedar staging, littered with sharp snail-shell shards;
all victims of the killing days when sulphur fumes combined to acid   "combined to acid" Is that possible?
and black-tar fluid, watered white, obscured the fragrant panes.
If only there was one more season, one more potter, one more yield;
then I would take my chitted set and cut it into sighted slivers,   "chitted?" My three dictionaries and I are unfamiliar with this word.
dip in dust of saffron yellow, dibble but a hand-depth down,  Dust not "saffron" imply dust?  "dibble" should be footnoted
into the mulch of ages. Then gently lower, cover over,
scoop up ramparts all around; each mound a living grave.
Volcanic life lies waiting, waiting...but not for me. I will be gone. "Volcanic life" does this refer to the minerals in powered pumice?  Probably needs footnoting
The shoots might stir me in my sleep, they in their bed, me in mine;
but I will plant my Salad Blues...before the winter leaves. 
_____________________________________________________________________________________

This is a slightly better ending, as the last one I read made it seem as though the speaker was dead and buried and that the grave was his bed and why the shoots would stir him. Also him being dead would be the rationale for why none of the above was getting done.

I think I understand that

"sulphur fumes combined to acid and black-tar fluid, watered white"

is some kind of cleaning solution, however the way it is written seems completely bizarre and fails in its task to be descriptive.

I think this is a good idea and works well as a vignette; the failing in the poem is that a number of the phrases do more to confuse than to enlighten. I look forward to a more clarified solution.

Dale

Oh yes, for got to mention: semicolons, usage of.

I think I see the problem with the following, because the transitional phrase is implied but not stated, thus making the use of a semicolon valid. Attend.

"This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy; (in fact) no green at all,

no ruby fruits, no piercing darts of piping chillies, no eggplants
pendulate and purple breasted."

I might suggest the use of "or" for "and" as the two sides of the "and" do not seem balanced. Thus:

"no eggplants pendulate or purple breasted."

Just a thought.

[tectak]

This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy; no green at all,
no ruby fruits, no piercing darts of piping chillies, no eggplants
pendulate and purple breasted. Not even one great, golden star  Aside from being overkill and not applying, I would definitely leave "breasted" in. Maybe you could work undulate in there, after all it rhymes.  "pendular"adj - "pendulate" verb
will burst, anticipating pollen; no zucchini without my hand.        A four line list ends, how sad.  Artfully done though.
Winter holds no happy promise, its quaint demise a silent death.   How so, quaint?
There will be no wake to follow, no joy-filled pots or feast to come.  No wake for winter, a double entendre?
Instead, the lichened lights are shaded. Unfettered feet   Nice alliteration, but do you mean the lights are dark? Or do you mean they are shaded by the lichen?  Were the feet once fettered, and what purport does mentioning this fulfill? 
of creeping things greys out the glass, still cracked by autumn gales. This creates no useable image for me.
Old frost-clear tracks, tell-tales of slugs no longer threatened,
blaze in bands of sun-crisped slime. The summer star will shine benign  I will praise you for the rhyme, as I assume you are awaiting it. A single summer star, not summer stars, or the summer triangle? You evidently have knowledge I lack. Or is this a shoddy reference to the sun?
on bare and barren cedar staging, littered with sharp snail-shell shards;
all victims of the killing days when sulphur fumes combined to acid   "combined to acid" Is that possible?
and black-tar fluid, watered white, obscured the fragrant panes.
If only there was one more season, one more potter, one more yield;
then I would take my chitted set and cut it into sighted slivers,   "chitted?" My three dictionaries and I are unfamiliar with this word.
dip in dust of saffron yellow, dibble but a hand-depth down,  Dust not "saffron" imply dust?  "dibble" should be footnoted
into the mulch of ages. Then gently lower, cover over,
scoop up ramparts all around; each mound a living grave.
Volcanic life lies waiting, waiting...but not for me. I will be gone. "Volcanic life" does this refer to the minerals in powered pumice?  Probably needs footnoting
The shoots might stir me in my sleep, they in their bed, me in mine;
but I will plant my Salad Blues...before the winter leaves. 
_____________________________________________________________________________________

This is a slightly better ending, as the last one I read made it seem as though the speaker was dead and buried and that the grave was his bed and why the shoots would stir him. Also him being dead would be the rationale for why none of the above was getting done.

I think I understand that

"sulphur fumes combined to acid and black-tar fluid, watered white"

is some kind of cleaning solution, however the way it is written seems completely bizarre and fails in its task to be descriptive.

I think this is a good idea and works well as a vignette; the failing in the poem is that a number of the phrases do more to confuse than to enlighten. I look forward to a more clarified solution.

Dale

Hi dale,
In no order.
I am a Brit. I doubt that 1 in 1000000 of us has not heard of Jeyes Fluid. It has been around for a century and is as ubiquitous in  gardening circles as horse shit. It has two characteristics that define it....it has a "fragrant" phenolic smell and it is black until mixed with water, whereupon it turns white. Diluted like this, it is a  very useful disinfectant.
Sulphur bombs burn sulphur in a can in a sealed greenhouse with a pale almost invisible  flame. The vapour contains sulphur  dioxide (SO2) which combines with the water, H20, in living cells, grabs an O from the air and forms H2SO4, sulphuric acid...which kills everything...still glad you asked?
I like purple breasts swinging like pendulums...does that make me a bad person?
Ah,  now "quaint". That is a tough one. A quaint demise...attractively unexpected, unusual,...but perhaps a little cute. I can argue its use but admit it is dogmatic. I haven't the commitment, either.
Lights...we have had this before, you and I. "Lights" in Blighty are upper windows...usually openable. Americans only know "side-lights" as car ventilators....or is it lites?
Unfettered as in "free to roam". Leave a greenhouse over winter and all kind of creepy-crawlies wander about leaving specks, spots, blots an blemishes on your glass. Spiders are the worst. Get a life...get a greenhouse.
To chit. You have not tried. Google "chitting". Expand your knowledge base...you are never too old Before you ask, a "set"is a seed potato. You must chit your sets before planting...doh.
Summer star is shoddy sun reference to avoid sun sun. Best I could do.
No...why should saffron imply dust? You are turmeric not stamen.
Creates no usable image. Agreed. I was trying to infer the obvious and obfuscated instead. Normal winter maintenance would involve replacing broken panes...now, in context, why bother? That is all.
You must know what dibbling means....it is what you use a dibbler for...do I really need to spell it out?
Volcanic life? Cone shaped mounds waiting for life to erupt...I don't do obscure, except deliberately.
An interesting point...neither of my dictionaries found "pendulate". Google did.
I appreciate you comments...it is a british thing. That is  no more excuse than being american.
Very best,
tectak

[just mercedes]

This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy; no green at all, I love the hat tip to 'penis envy'
no ruby fruits, no piercing darts of piping chillies, no eggplants
pendulate and purple breasted. Not even one great, golden star
will burst, anticipating pollen; no zucchini without my hand. Good use of colours with the list of plants
Winter holds no happy promise, its quaint demise a silent death.
There will be no wake to follow, no joy-filled pots or feast to come.
Instead, the lichened lights are shaded. Unfettered feet Uneasy about tense change here
of creeping things greyed out the glass, still cracked by autumn gales.
Old frost-clear tracks, tell-tales of slugs no longer threatened,
blaze in bands of sun-crisped slime. The summer star will shine benign great sounds here
on bare and barren cedar staging, littered with sharp snail-shell shards; trips my tongue to say this aloud
all victims of the killing days when sulphur fumes combined to acid 'to make acid' or 'form acid' may work better
and black-tar fluid, watered white, obscured the fragrant panes.
If only there was one more season, one more potter, one more yield;
then I would take my chitted set and cut it into sighted slivers,
dip in dust of saffron yellow, dibble but a hand-depth down,
into the mulch of ages. Then gently lower, cover over,
scoop up ramparts all around; each mound a living grave. the best description of planting potatoes I've ever read
Volcanic life lies waiting, waiting...but not for me. I will be gone.
The shoots might stir me in my sleep, they in their bed, me in mine;
but I will plant my Salad Blues...before the winter leaves. I'm reading a double meaning in 'leaves' here
Tectak
2015

Do you really grow your potatoes in a glass house? I really enjoyed your poem - an anthem to approaching death but still it's so full of life. An adventure of sounds and textures of sound (if that makes sense). Thanks for posting this.

[tectak]

This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy; no green at all, I love the hat tip to 'penis envy'
no ruby fruits, no piercing darts of piping chillies, no eggplants
pendulate and purple breasted. Not even one great, golden star
will burst, anticipating pollen; no zucchini without my hand. Good use of colours with the list of plants
Winter holds no happy promise, its quaint demise a silent death.
There will be no wake to follow, no joy-filled pots or feast to come.
Instead, the lichened lights are shaded. Unfettered feet Uneasy about tense change here
of creeping things greyed out the glass, still cracked by autumn gales.
Old frost-clear tracks, tell-tales of slugs no longer threatened,
blaze in bands of sun-crisped slime. The summer star will shine benign great sounds here
on bare and barren cedar staging, littered with sharp snail-shell shards; trips my tongue to say this aloud
all victims of the killing days when sulphur fumes combined to acid 'to make acid' or 'form acid' may work better
and black-tar fluid, watered white, obscured the fragrant panes.
If only there was one more season, one more potter, one more yield;
then I would take my chitted set and cut it into sighted slivers,
dip in dust of saffron yellow, dibble but a hand-depth down,
into the mulch of ages. Then gently lower, cover over,
scoop up ramparts all around; each mound a living grave. the best description of planting potatoes I've ever read
Volcanic life lies waiting, waiting...but not for me. I will be gone.
The shoots might stir me in my sleep, they in their bed, me in mine;
but I will plant my Salad Blues...before the winter leaves. I'm reading a double meaning in 'leaves' here
Tectak
2015

Do you really grow your potatoes in a glass house? I really enjoyed your poem - an anthem to approaching death but still it's so full of life. An adventure of sounds and textures of sound (if that makes sense). Thanks for posting this.

Hi merc,
no, I don't grow me spuds int green'ouse...but ah didunt say ah did
How about combined as acid? I will change.
Thanks for reading...I enjoyed this one, too.
Penis envy? Nah...just green with it, that's all.
Best,
tectak

[Erthona]

As a rule, I generally think all nomenclature should be footnoted. If a person is not in that field they will not be aware of the usage, especially of such things as the use of sulfur, black to white disinfectant and volcanoes. It is generally considered a courtesy to ones readers so they do not have to waste their time to read your poem. Of course I know it is a simple oversight on your part, only a truly repugnant and arrogant person would think their poetry was of such a high quality that a person should go to such effort as to track down all these obscurities simply to be able to read it


Best,

Dale

[tectak]

As a rule, I generally think all nomenclature should be footnoted. If a person is not in that field they will not be aware of the usage, especially of such things as the use of sulfur, black to white disinfectant and volcanoes. It is generally considered a courtesy to ones readers so they do not have to waste their time to read your poem. Of course I know it is a simple oversight on your part, only a truly repugnant and arrogant person would think their poetry was of such a high quality that a person should go to such effort as to track down all these obscurities simply to be able to read it  


Best,

Dale

Hi dale,
Yeah, but how the hell do we know what the reader doesn't know? I give readers respect in that I credit them with either the same or greater knowledge than I possess or the inate curiosity to find out whatever a new word means. Obscurities in structure may well involve convoluted thinking but the inability to comprehend specific words is a very personal issue...see mercs response... nonetheless, because it's you.
* Sulphur (Sulfur) Yellow stuff for stopping rot in stored tubers.*
*Tubers. Swollen bits of plants used as nutrient* stores.
*nutrient.Essential components of organic* matter which can be utilised by living forms.
*organic. Chemical or matter containing carbon*
*carbon.Black stuff not like sulphur* which is yellow
*Sulphur(Sulfur) Yellow stuff for stopping rot in stored tubers..

Best,
Tom
Oh, "volcano"...look it up

[billy]

i know this is in serious tom but no line by from me. in general each line holds the promise of a well imaged poem and in truth it seems to be. i understood all the word use [went to horticultural college when i was in approve school; no joke) the problem for me is it feels overloaded with indoor gardening, more so than it does with the man. i want as the reader to be interested by/in this person who grows things. who creates life, how does he think what does he feel (i'm presuming he's not dead yet) i want to be more interested on the images of the poem. while they read well enough they don't really hold me. i know you prefer the longer line but for me it's restricting what the ebb and flow of the poem could be. there's no or little drama. nothing where i hold my breath or go ...yeah i get it. finally i think you could tirm some of reinforcing.

[b]This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy
no ruby fruits, or piercing darts of piping chillies,
no eggplants pendulate purple breasted.
Not even one great, golden star......

there's a good poem in there tom but it needs to take it's overcoat off [just my opinion]

[tectak]

i know this is in serious tom but no line by from me. in general each line holds the promise of a well imaged poem and in truth it seems to be. i understood all the word use [went to horticultural college when i was in approve school; no joke) the problem for me is it feels overloaded with indoor gardening, more so  than it does with the man. i want as the reader to be interested by/in this person who grows things. who creates life, how does he think what does he feel (i'm presuming he's not dead yet) i want to be more interested on the images of the poem. while they read well enough they don't really hold me. i know you prefer the longer line but for me it's restricting what the ebb and flow of the poem could be. there's no or little drama. nothing where i hold my breath or go ...yeah i get it. finally i think you could tirm some of reinforcing.

[b]This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy
no ruby fruits, or piercing darts of piping chillies,
no eggplants pendulate purple breasted.YES, that's it
Not even one great, golden star......

there's a good poem in there tom but it needs to take it's overcoat off [just my opinion]

Yes to you billy. I do write in long lines for the oft' given reason (by me) that it increases my manoeuvrability in getting that old pretender "flow" to work for me. To be honest, it is more useful in strict rhyme BUT I will defend the line length here for a different but again oft' reasoned excuse (by me )...it is more lugubrious and solemn if long lines are used. Short makes for snappy, stabbing, staccato rendition...long suits the sad, solemn and serious. Aw, the hell. I may be wrong...it happens (more and more).
I think you may have uncovered a greater truth. The metaphor has become the moment. This was written to exorcise the depressing demons of departure...not dying, just leaving. There's the thing. As soon as the metaphor involves leaving we think death. I will miss my greenhouse when we move. I don't do obscure. Jeyes Fluid to you, too.
Best and thanks,
tectak

[Grace]

i know this is in serious tom but no line by from me. in general each line holds the promise of a well imaged poem and in truth it seems to be. i understood all the word use [went to horticultural college when i was in approve school; no joke) the problem for me is it feels overloaded with indoor gardening, more so  than it does with the man. i want as the reader to be interested by/in this person who grows things. who creates life, how does he think what does he feel (i'm presuming he's not dead yet) i want to be more interested on the images of the poem. while they read well enough they don't really hold me. i know you prefer the longer line but for me it's restricting what the ebb and flow of the poem could be. there's no or little drama. nothing where i hold my breath or go ...yeah i get it. finally i think you could tirm some of reinforcing.

[b]This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy
no ruby fruits, or piercing darts of piping chillies,
no eggplants pendulate purple breasted.YES, that's it
Not even one great, golden star......

there's a good poem in there tom but it needs to take it's overcoat off [just my opinion]

Yes to you billy. I do write in long lines for the oft' given reason (by me) that it increases my manoeuvrability in getting that old pretender "flow" to work for me. To be honest, it is more useful in strict rhyme BUT I will defend the line length here for a different but again oft' reasoned excuse (by me )...it is more lugubrious and solemn if long lines are used. Short makes for snappy, stabbing, staccato rendition...long suits the sad, solemn and serious. Aw, the hell. I may be wrong...it happens (more and more).
I think you may have uncovered a greater truth. The metaphor has become the moment. This was written to exorcise the depressing demons of departure...not dying, just leaving. There's the thing. As soon as the metaphor involves leaving we think death. I will miss my greenhouse when we move. I don't do obscure. Jeyes Fluid to you, too.
Best and thanks,
tectak

I think the long lines work -especially the first line - because there are a lot of plants remembered by the gardener in rows. Simply that.

[tectak]

i know this is in serious tom but no line by from me. in general each line holds the promise of a well imaged poem and in truth it seems to be. i understood all the word use [went to horticultural college when i was in approve school; no joke) the problem for me is it feels overloaded with indoor gardening, more so  than it does with the man. i want as the reader to be interested by/in this person who grows things. who creates life, how does he think what does he feel (i'm presuming he's not dead yet) i want to be more interested on the images of the poem. while they read well enough they don't really hold me. i know you prefer the longer line but for me it's restricting what the ebb and flow of the poem could be. there's no or little drama. nothing where i hold my breath or go ...yeah i get it. finally i think you could tirm some of reinforcing.

[b]This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy
no ruby fruits, or piercing darts of piping chillies,
no eggplants pendulate purple breasted.YES, that's it
Not even one great, golden star......

there's a good poem in there tom but it needs to take it's overcoat off [just my opinion]

Yes to you billy. I do write in long lines for the oft' given reason (by me) that it increases my manoeuvrability in getting that old pretender "flow" to work for me. To be honest, it is more useful in strict rhyme BUT I will defend the line length here for a different but again oft' reasoned excuse (by me )...it is more lugubrious and solemn if long lines are used. Short makes for snappy, stabbing, staccato rendition...long suits the sad, solemn and serious. Aw, the hell. I may be wrong...it happens (more and more).
I think you may have uncovered a greater truth. The metaphor has become the moment. This was written to exorcise the depressing demons of departure...not dying, just leaving. There's the thing. As soon as the metaphor involves leaving we think death. I will miss my greenhouse when we move. I don't do obscure. Jeyes Fluid to you, too.
Best and thanks,
tectak

I think the long lines work -especially the first line - because there are a lot of plants remembered by the gardener in rows. Simply that.

Grace? Grace? Are you OK...you've gone all one-liner and interestingly horticultural. Thank you I think...but am not sure.
Best,
tectak

[Grace]

Yes to you billy. I do write in long lines for the oft' given reason (by me) that it increases my manoeuvrability in getting that old pretender "flow" to work for me. To be honest, it is more useful in strict rhyme BUT I will defend the line length here for a different but again oft' reasoned excuse (by me )...it is more lugubrious and solemn if long lines are used. Short makes for snappy, stabbing, staccato rendition...long suits the sad, solemn and serious. Aw, the hell. I may be wrong...it happens (more and more).
I think you may have uncovered a greater truth. The metaphor has become the moment. This was written to exorcise the depressing demons of departure...not dying, just leaving. There's the thing. As soon as the metaphor involves leaving we think death. I will miss my greenhouse when we move. I don't do obscure. Jeyes Fluid to you, too.
Best and thanks,
tectak

I think the long lines work -especially the first line - because there are a lot of plants remembered by the gardener in rows. Simply that.

Grace? Grace? Are you OK...you've gone all one-liner and interestingly horticultural. Thank you I think...but am not sure.
Best,
tectak

No, I mean yes. It was meant kindly ☺️. Grace

[billy]

i know this is in serious tom but no line by from me. in general each line holds the promise of a well imaged poem and in truth it seems to be. i understood all the word use [went to horticultural college when i was in approve school; no joke) the problem for me is it feels overloaded with indoor gardening, more so  than it does with the man. i want as the reader to be interested by/in this person who grows things. who creates life, how does he think what does he feel (i'm presuming he's not dead yet) i want to be more interested on the images of the poem. while they read well enough they don't really hold me. i know you prefer the longer line but for me it's restricting what the ebb and flow of the poem could be. there's no or little drama. nothing where i hold my breath or go ...yeah i get it. finally i think you could tirm some of reinforcing.

[b]This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy
no ruby fruits, or piercing darts of piping chillies,
no eggplants pendulate purple breasted.YES, that's it
Not even one great, golden star......

there's a good poem in there tom but it needs to take it's overcoat off [just my opinion]

Yes to you billy. I do write in long lines for the oft' given reason (by me) that it increases my manoeuvrability in getting that old pretender "flow" to work for me. To be honest, it is more useful in strict rhyme BUT I will defend the line length here for a different but again oft' reasoned excuse (by me )...it is more lugubrious and solemn if long lines are used. Short makes for snappy, stabbing, staccato rendition...long suits the sad, solemn and serious. Aw, the hell. I may be wrong...it happens (more and more).
I think you may have uncovered a greater truth. The metaphor has become the moment. This was written to exorcise the depressing demons of departure...not dying, just leaving. There's the thing. As soon as the metaphor involves leaving we think death. I will miss my greenhouse when we move. I don't do obscure. Jeyes Fluid to you, too.
Best and thanks,
tectak

then slip in an onion that depicts the moving on is a literal one. you sew what you plant and all that. if you know death is a metaphorical given under certain circumstances, use one to show life, just a different kind of life

[Leah S.]

This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy; no green at all, Did you mean to use a semicolon? I'm all for creative punctuation, but grammatically speaking, after the semicolon is a fragment, and semicolons require that both sides be complete sentences.
no ruby fruits, no piercing darts of piping chillies, no egg-plants
pendulate and purple breasted. Not even one great, golden star First, why did you spell eggplants that way? Also, pendulate is a verb, the adjective form is pendular. Even then though, I think that pendular would be a weird way to characterize an eggplant, as they don't naturally swing like a pendulum. No...but breasts do! I spelt eggplants egg-plants because I made an error.Good catch
will burst anticipating pollen dusting; so no zucchini... and no me.
Winter holds no happy promise, its quaint demise a silent death.
There will be no wake to follow, no joy-filled pots or feast to come.
Instead, the lichened lights are shaded. Unfettered growth
of creeping things greys out the windows, cracked and crazed.
Old frost footsteps tell tails of slugs, no longer threatened by extinction, Do you mean tails? Or do you mean "Tales"?
they blaze their bands of sunlit slime. This year the sun will shine
benignly on the cedar staging, littered with old snail-shell shards.
All are victims of the killing days when sulphur gas combined to acid
and black-tar fluid ran incongruously white down fragrant panes
in alloy frames. I like this sentence, it paints a clear picture of the greenhouse.
Not this year. If only there was one more season,
one more potter, one more yield then I would take my Salad Blue, What is Salad Blue and why is it capitalized?
cut it into sighted slivers, dip in dust of saffron yellow,
dibble but a hand-depth down, into the mulch of ages.
Then gently lower, cover over, scoop up ramparts all around,
each mound a living grave, volcanic life just waiting...waiting, but for what? I think this rhetorical question feels a little out of place. The poem lacks the inquisitive or curious tone that gives an author license to use a question like this.
The shoots would stir me while I sleep, they in their bed, me in mine.
Yes, perhaps I will make one last effort, before this winter leaves. I don't really like that the speaker all of a sudden changes his mind at the last second. It seems like a trivial shift and detracts from the rest of the poem.
Tectak
2015

Overall, I do like this poem, as a sort of seasonal work. However, sometimes I think some complicated phrasing and forced vocabulary bar the poem's ability to relate its message to the reader. The title is really interesting. I particularly like the phrase "Salad Blues" it implies not only sadness, but a growing coldness that runs throughout the poem.

Hi from,
First of all,to make the point, google Salad Blue
OK. Semicolons. Fundamental disagreement. The semicolon can be, and more often than not is,  used to link connected clauses. Sentences would more likely benefit from conjunctions or commas but NOT always. Even lists can be seperated by semicolons when the only connection is that the items are IN the list.(https://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/Semicolons.html) Nonetheless, I overuse semicolons and am in a large club. Why? Well, this is poetry...not an excuse for faulty grammar...and so the second use for semicolons comes in to play. Semicolons and colons introduce pauses. You can research this use yourself.( John  Whale, "Put it in Writing")
I give you credit for your "pendulate" observation.My excuse is in the words that follow. I thought that breasts might pull you in, but no.You have seen an egg-plant? Pendulate is a swing too far perhaps. I may have even made the word up. It will change methinks. Credit.
Tails-tales.Pun. Failed. Credit. Tell tales and tell-tails didn't do it for you?
I am inclined to leave the end alone. The whole thing is lengthily pensive and the pathos at the bitter end is transient. I hope you can see that.
Excellent crit. Changes coming.
Best,
tectak
Note. I checked up pendulate. I didn't make it up...I meant swinging like pendulums and so I was wrong when I said I was wrong...right?
tectak

Checking in on the snail tails pun....I got it right away. For the rest, stand by, I'm still reading. Carry on. Leah

[Erthona]

RE: your response from above.

British Dictionary definitions for volcano
volcano
/vɒlˈkeɪnəʊ/
noun (pl) -noes, -nos
1.
an opening in the earth's crust from which molten lava, rock fragments, ashes, dust, and gases are ejected from below the earth's surface
2.
a mountain formed from volcanic material ejected from a vent in a central crater
Word Origin
C17: from Italian, from Latin Volcānus Vulcan 1, whose forges were believed to be responsible for volcanic rumblings
_________________________________________
sulfur


sulfur
/ˈsʌlfə/
noun

1.
the US preferred spelling of sulphur

sulphur
/ˈsʌlfə/
noun

1.

1. an allotropic nonmetallic element, occurring free in volcanic regions and in combined state in gypsum, pyrite, and galena. The stable yellow rhombic form converts on heating to monoclinic needles. It is used in the production of sulphuric acid, in the vulcanization of rubber, and in fungicides. Symbol: S; atomic no: 16; atomic wt: 32.066; valency: 2, 4, or 6; relative density: 2.07 (rhombic), 1.957 (monoclinic); melting pt: 115.22°C (rhombic), 119.0°C (monoclinic); boiling pt: 444.674°C related adjective thionic
   
2. (as modifier): sulphur springs
   

Would the reader have known that lichen is a fungus? I doubt it, it doesn't look like one where people usually see it. The sulphuric acid (or as you would say, "sulphur fumes formed lethal acid") appears to have something to do with tires, so no hope there.
_________________________________________
Tom,

There is no doubt you are conflagrative,
but also, too masturbative,
going off like Vesuvius
destroying all and everyone of us,
and bright Pompeii,
only ash frames did stay.
You care not for right or wrong,
just so you sing the final song.
Only then will you feel gay,
gay enough, I think I'd say,
flaming flaming into the night,
watch his fancy now take flight
like a Phoenix burning bright,
why do you do, us, this way?  

And should you not get what I am saying, I will say it less obliquely. Looking up either of the two definitions above would not have gotten the reader any closer to understanding your usage. 

dale

[tectak]

RE: your response from above.

British Dictionary definitions for volcano
volcano
/vɒlˈkeɪnəʊ/
noun (pl) -noes, -nos
1.
an opening in the earth's crust from which molten lava, rock fragments, ashes, dust, and gases are ejected from below the earth's surface
2.
a mountain formed from volcanic material ejected from a vent in a central crater
Word Origin
C17: from Italian, from Latin Volcānus Vulcan 1, whose forges were believed to be responsible for volcanic rumblings
_________________________________________
sulfur


sulfur
/ˈsʌlfə/
noun

1.
the US preferred spelling of sulphur

sulphur
/ˈsʌlfə/
noun

1.

1. an allotropic nonmetallic element, occurring free in volcanic regions and in combined state in gypsum, pyrite, and galena. The stable yellow rhombic form converts on heating to monoclinic needles. It is used in the production of sulphuric acid, in the vulcanization of rubber, and in fungicides. Symbol: S; atomic no: 16; atomic wt: 32.066; valency: 2, 4, or 6; relative density: 2.07 (rhombic), 1.957 (monoclinic); melting pt: 115.22°C (rhombic), 119.0°C (monoclinic); boiling pt: 444.674°C related adjective thionic
   
2. (as modifier): sulphur springs
   

Would the reader have known that lichen is a fungus? I doubt it, it doesn't look like one where people usually see it. The sulphuric acid (or as you would say, "sulphur fumes formed lethal acid") appears to have something to do with tires, so no hope there.
_________________________________________
Tom,

There is no doubt you are conflagrative,
but also, too masturbative,
going off like Vesuvius
destroying all and everyone of us,
and bright Pompeii,
only ash frames did stay.
You care not for right or wrong,
just so you sing the final song.
Only then will you feel gay,
gay enough, I think I'd say,
flaming flaming into the night,
watch his fancy now take flight
like a Phoenix burning bright,
why do you do, us, this way?  

And should you not get what I am saying, I will say it less obliquely. Looking up either of the two definitions above would not have gotten the reader any closer to understanding your usage. 

dale

Aaah! The joys of workshopping! Credited
Best,
tectak