Dancing with a mask.

[lizzyrose12]

Edited.

[billy]

it's a pretty deep poem liz.

line 7 threw me a little;
A monster dancing with the music of the cold autumn night.
for me, it spoils the ending a little.

some good lines i liked;
She is dancing for her soul,

the poem shows us that people often, are not what they appear to be.
the last line;
Her face had shown, her beauty was all lies.

worked well with the rest of the poem.

[Bianca Alabaster]

nice write, like the Title and the last line is a great closer! good job.

[addy]

Thanks for posting your poem Lizzy. This was put together nicely, and my heart really ached as it progressed ("so sad that she must dance alone").

In my opinion (just my opinion!) you could change the title... dancing with a mask is already a very clear and well-elaborated on image within a poem, so the way it is seems to make it too literal. I'm sure there are other lines you can use to capture the idea of the poem.

Lovely read.

[heslopian]

A very Gothic, Bronte-style poem, what with the elegance and pessimism. At once as soft and delicate as a music box, then grim with deep undercurrents. The image of the sun rising and her mask falling off as a result moved me very much; it reminded me of the final lines from Sylvia Plath's poem Ariel, where she talks about being thrust by her baby's cry into "the cauldron of morning."
The line beginning "And her perfection yet" threw me off a bit, because of the odd syntax; would "And her perfection, as of yet, is undeniable" work better?